Maintaining Mommy Friends

Since having my second child I have found that having any life beyond them seems to be pretty darn impossible. Maybe it's just me. I'm kinda slack when it comes to going out of my way to make friends anyways. People that I used to hang out with have stopped calling and texting and coming around in general. I guess I'm just no fun anymore.

And it's true. I mean, if you're not into play-doh and crayons and Dora the Explorer...I don't really know that I could even carry on much of a conversation with you. I mean...what the heck could we talk about??

And while time is much tighter than it was before the babies, I suppose I could work harder to do more "grown-up" activities. But the truth is I don't want to. Whereas before spending a weekend sitting around the house would have been depressing, now I look forward to it. I love the weekends that we don't have to do anything. We can have tea parties and play dress up and color and run around and the only time constraints we have are meals, naps and bed. I love those weekends!

It's hard to have friends once you're a mom. Your priorities change so dramatically. And all you want to talk about it diaper rashes and tantrums and your toddler's hilarious way of saying "zebra" (which by the way is like "ze-ba-bah-rah" it's adorable) and your non-mommy friends want to talk about...well you know, normal people stuff. Like work and school and drama with their fiance and how their parents are driving them crazy.

And while there is a really good argument out there on maintaining pre-mom friendships and staying well-rounded and not losing your identity in parenthood, I think there is a better argument for what happens when parents don't prioritize and when kids get forgotten. I know too many people who have kids and just keep on doing like they did. They keep going out and partying. They continue to lead wild lives. And they just let the T.V and the babysitter raise their children. And I don't want to be that kind of parent.

Being a parent is who you need to become.

There is nothing wrong with going out every once in awhile. Date nights are a must and some alone time needs to be a priority because if you can't take care of yourself then you'll have a hard time taking care of everyone else. This last one is the hardest for me to do. I just cannot let chores go undone or let a mess lie. I have to have order in my life or I will totally lose it. So I really need to find a way to make more time for ME. Even if it's just to go to bed a little earlier or take a bubble bath or something.

While I don't really have many of my pre-mom friends left, I have made new friends since becoming a mom, or to be more specific since becoming a baby buncher. When you're going through two under two, you really need to talk to people who can relate. Because a lot of people who have two kids that are several years apart just don't understand the chaos and the stress. Some people can sympathize but most people just don't get it. And for the first six months especially, you need "been there done that" help. So, I made friends with a couple of baby bunchers and they have been total life savers.

It's hard to realize that you never get to talk to those old friends anymore. It's a little sad. Heck, it's a lotta sad. Kinda bittersweet to think back on all the memories you shared with those friends and wonder if they ever miss you. Wonder if they understand why you're not interested in happy hours or late night drinking parties or big concerts in the middle of the week. Maybe one day they'll have kids and they'll call me up screaming "I understand! I understand!" lol. Or maybe not.

Nowadays I look forward to Saturday morning Walmart trips with Evie. And Sunday afternoons doing yard work with the girls. I look forward to Friday night movie night, snuggled up with the babies and watching animated classics (last week was Pocahontas and this week will be Happy Feet!) while munching on Orville Reddenbacher. I relish in teaching the girls holiday traditions and trying to get them ready for preschool.

In a few years the girls will be going to school and they will have their own friends and then there will be more time for me to do things. Things that I don't have time for right now. Like you know, shave my legs. haha.