'MATERS!!

I am so incredibly excited.

Why, you ask.

This is why...

Tomato plants. I'm very excited because I haven't had time or space to really grow a garden, although I've always wanted to. And although I still don't have time or space for a full blown garden, tomato plants are fairly easy to grow in big pots on the porch. So that is what I will do!

This year I will do a few tomato plants.I have six currently, 2 beef steak and 4 ruetgers. But I'm going to give my mom half of them to supplement her garden. I'm just going to grow 3. If the tomato plants go well this summer, next summer I would like to add maybe some pepper plants and some cucumber plants to my potted porch garden. I love growing things and find it incredibly rewarding to exercise my green thumb.

I'd like some additional ideas for plants I might could grow in pots next year if this year's operation goes well. So if you have any suggestions, please comment! Maybe in a couple of years my children won't be quite so difficult and I can till up a spot and have some strawberries, corn and asparagus. Because I absolutely LOVE those foods. I also love green beans and sweet peas, but I have a pretty small, hilly yard. The places that get good full sun are really limited.

And there's just something adorable about baby plants. How silly am I? But I think they're cute. I'm attached to them. I don't want any harm to befall them. I hope they grow up big and strong and do great things with their lives. I guess once a mom always a mom. Even if that child is small, green and leafy.

I went down to the basement this morning and found two good sized pots. Partially filled them with some of my peat moss potting soil that I had. Tomorrow I've got a big Walmart trip planned so I'm going to pick up one more pot and some Miracle Gro potting soil. The variety with the plant food and the moisture retention. Then tomorrow afternoon I'm going to be planting some maters.

I know it's silly to be so excited. But I can't help it. It's the little things in life that I derive great pleasure from. Reading a good book. Planting some flowers. Growing tomatoes. As a result, I tend to be a pretty happy person.

Emily was a little puzzled by my dragging pots out to the deck and digging around in the dirt part of the morning. She gets fussed at for that sort of activity...dragging things onto the porch...digging in the dirt. Nonetheless, I can tell she's excited about 'maters too. Evie is super excited about the playing in the dirt part. I had to shoo her away several times this morning because I didn't want to have to deal with giving her a bath before work. Tomorrow, when the real planting occurs she will get to help.

I'm also going to be picking up some nice flowers and making a couple of decorative pots to sit around on the deck. And I might even go by Lowes and get some paint for the deck. Because yet again my stupid deck needs painting. Once we get it painted this year though, we're putting a gate up and keeping the dogs out. Their little toenails and wild games are hard on the already weary wood. Plus, once we get a lockable gate up, I can take the babies onto the deck to play without having to constantly yell at Evie to get her little booty back up the steps. Hopefully in a couple more weeks my deck will be a fabulous place to enjoy some time outside. Tomato plants, flowers, and fresh paint. Ahhhh.

Evie and the Heifers

I just realized that I still haven't blogged about this and I'm kinda annoyed with myself since I have been drawing blanks most days on blog ideas. And all this time I had this one, with cute pictures to boot, and didn't even realize I hadn't already written it! What does that say about my state of mind? That I really thought I had already written this post? Probably bad things. I blame sleep deprivation. Babies do that to ya.

So, anyways, on Mother's Day we went to my grandmother's house. It was truly the highlight of my day. Well, my grandmother's house and the fantabulous brie and bacon quiche that I made for breakfast that morning.

My grandparents live near the Blue Ridge Parkway in the Appalachian Mountains. In case you don't live around here, is pronounced "Apple-latch-an" not "apple-lay-shan." I grew up there. And no one in the Appalachian mountains prounouces it like you outsiders do. So stop. You are driving me crazy. My grandparents and great grandparents lived on the family land my entire life and quite a bit before that. Unfortunately my great grandparents passed away when I was in college and my grandmother sold their house but the land is all still in the family. On that land my family has pretty much always had cattle. Beef cattle in fact.

My uncle owns the cattle these days. He and his wife make the daily rounds feeding and checking the cows, heifers, and calves. The solitary Angus bull lives in a small pasture by himself near their home when he's not in with the cows doing his job. The cows and calves are spread across different pastures depending on the time of year and what's going on with them. My uncle doesn't just sell steers and heifers for beef anymore. These days you make more money as a small family operated farm by selling heifers to big farmers for breeding. Or so I'm told. So my uncle and aunt spend a lot of time artificially inseminating heifer with sperm from award-winning bloodline bulls from around the country. Then raising those calves to sell to big farmers.

My uncle has mostly Angus blood in his herds now. But there are still some white faced calves with Hereford blood. The white-faced calves are my favorite. I personally love Herefords, the red cows with white faces, but Black Baldies, black cows with white faces (acheived by breeding Angus and Herefords), are pretty adorable too. My great grandfather had a few Brahman cattle in his herd. I remember those cows quite clearly because they were incredibly mean for some reason. Brahman look very exotic with their hump at their shoulders. The bull he had when I was little was incredibly huge. My second cousin inherited those cattle from Pa Booker, and as far as I know several of the cows still have some Brahman heritage. I don't know if they are any more docile these days or not.

(**Note: Heifer are females that have never had calves. Cows are females. Bulls are males. Calves are babies. Steers are bulls that have been castrated. Just to catch you up on the terminology...**)

I grew up around livestock. I have never thought much about the process of feeding cattle or taking care of farm business because I grew up with it. I learned that day that not everyone has such experience. My step dad and husband were somewhat in awe watching the cows trot across the pasture when they heard my uncle's truck crank. Cattle recognize the sound of the vehicle that feeds them, be it a truck, tractor, or whatever, and when they hear that bad boy coming...they come running. Andreas and Josh have never spent any time on a farm (City boys...lol) and just marvelled at that. The whole experience for them seemed pretty impressive. It was a little funny to me. I can't imagine not knowing all these things about farm life.

Of course Evie had an excuse. For one, she's not even two. And she hasn't spent any time yet on a farm. For another, she loves all animals and cows to her seem like big dogs. She stood at the fence and mooed at the cows. Laughing and talking to them. She put her hand through the fence and beckoned to the cows. Of course, they were super freaked out by these little person shrieking and mooing at them and huddled together a safe distance away to observe her.

Once they were fed they pretty much paid us zero mind. No matter what Evie did. But she was still pretty happy with the experience. Even if she didn't get to pet a cow like she wanted to. She stood at the fence and mooed and shrieked and waved. Happy as could be.

It was really neat to watch Evie savoring her farm experience. That is definitely one of my favorite parts of having kids...one of many of course. But watching them experience new things and seeing their reactions and how they learn and grow. It's just amazing.

Even if it is just spending 20 minutes watching my aunt and uncle feed some heifers. It was a great time.

The Class of 2011

It has been a long time since I graduated from high school. Or college for that matter. And as the month of May comes to a close, I find myself thinking about this year's graduates and the world they're going out to. When I graduated from high school I was so excited. The next step! College! Freedom! Standing on the football field as the sun set, I felt like finally my life was starting. I hated high school. Hated it so so much. And it was finally over. Hallelujah!

Then college started. Ugh. It was nearly as useless as high school. More books and tests and papers. So little learning.

I have always loved to learn. It's a trait that I hope to pass on to my kids because it's handy to have. I can spend all day surfing around Wikipedia, reading and learning. I love it. I love knowing things. I'm a fount of truly useless facts and knowledge. It's weird. But, ya know, that's just who I am. There were only a few classes in high school that I really felt like I was learning in. I was a fast student, a smart kid. I suppose I'm still smart. So I know I was more of a difficult child to challenge. But so often teachers just taught to a test. Taught to the lowest performing student. An unfortunate result of standardized testing and No Child Left Behind. I didn't get to be excited about class very often.

College was a lot more of the same. There were more exciting classes but once more I learned how much work I needed to do in the classes I was bored with and that was what I did. I made Chancellor's and Dean's lists a couple of times. But, it didn't really feel important enough to care about. Since I had no interest in going on to Graduate School.

When I graduated from college it was less excitement and more a sense of relief that FINALLY my schooling was over. Real life could finally begin.

Once out in the "real world" I was struck by one thing -- how much school does NOT prepare you. Unless you have your own place and deal with finances yourself, you don't really learn a lot about real life while in college. You don't learn about credit cards, balancing a budget, buying a home, setting up a retirement fund, how to invest your savings...the list goes on and on. All things that you will hopefully be doing shortly after graduating from school. But they don't teach you how to do it. And what do you do if your parents never did these things? Or didn't do these things well? Or you don't talk to your parents?

Bad habits can just carry on, generation after generation. No wonder we're still paying $4 or more a gallon for gas. We don't seem to desire any improvement for future generations. Our grandparents' generation should have started preparing for electric cars and wind power and green energy. But they didn't. Instead they paid 10 cents a gallon for gas and they drove gas-guzzlers everywhere for everything. And now we're all just sitting in shock thinking "Aww, crap."

I feel so bad for today's college graduates. This year's graduates have staggering college loan debts and there aren't jobs available for them. They have no way to pay back those loans. House prices are still outrageously low, in fact my house is worth so much less than I paid for it that it really pisses me off. But new graduates can't buy a home, because they can't get a job! They're fed all this hope and faith about how great life is going to be once they graduate from college and it's not going to be. It's going to be hard. Times are tough and this tunnel is long, dark and doesn't have a lot of light at the end. I just hope that things turn around for us all soon.

I think Oprah said it best "You are responsible for your life." So let's all go out and make our lives count for something. Teach our kids to do better than we have done and make a difference. A real difference. Let's change the world.

Sunday in the Sun

Kids are so amazing. How different they are. How fast they change. How much you can see yourself in them at time.

It amazes me how different two girls with the same basic genetic make up can be. One a blond, one a brunette. One an early chatterbox, the other a late talker. Evie was always so independent while Elly is so clingy. Elly refuses to be on a schedule while Evie melts down if hers changes. Now another difference has developed. Elly hates the water.

I don't remember Evie really loving the water until she got old enough to start playing in it. But she never hated it. Never did she cry or fight or fuss about taking a bath. Elly on the other hand...well, I think it comes down to the fact that she hates being cold. If one part of her body is the water and the other out, that part is cold and she cries. On a hot day, the pool water feels nice and cool...so she cries. It's really kinda strange. I've discovered she likes to be toasty right below the point of sweating when she sleeps. So maybe she likes to be warm. Really warm.

On Sunday I took the girls to my mom's to have a little pool day. My mom has a medium sized pool that I think is just about the perfect size. In fact, I've told Josh that I want to buy one just like it this summer. Because I think for us having just enough water for all us to be able to get in and get a little wet...its perfect. So anyways, we all went to swim. It was Sissy's first time in water that wasn't her bath and she fussed incessantly. Of course. Leave it to Elly to spoil a perfectly good plan. So I got her out and got her dried off and we laid on the blanket in the shade while Evie and Mimi played in the water.

It was pleasant enough but I really wished she enjoyed the water like her big sister. But what I want doesn't mean a whole lot to a 3 month old. Watching her roll around on the blanket while Evie tore around the yard and climbed in and out of the pool was definitely a relaxing way to spend a Sunday afternoon. So no major complaints.

She laughed and cooed and "talked" to me. When she isn't crying, she's actually pretty pleasant to be around. And the crying jags are getting shorter and further between.

Its amazing how much little people can change in such a short amount of time. Evie will be 2 in just a couple of months. Two! It blows my mind! Little Elly is suddenly able to get her hands to her mouth (just in time because she's starting to teeth), able to grab things with her hands, push up on her arms and look around during tummy time and she's starting to be able to sit up by herself when she's got a Boppy around her to stabilize. It's amazing! Thinking that a year ago now Evie was taking her first steps and that a year from now Elly will be running all over the house and climbing the walls like Evie is now. It's crazy to think about.

I hope Elly's aversion to the water changes. I will probably keep dragging her in the water this summer to see if I can't force her to at least tolerate it. In the meantime, sitting poolside and watching baby toes wiggle in the grass ain't bad...

I absolutely LOVE summer. And I'm so excited about my first summer with both girls.

Mom vs. Doctor

I do not have a medical degree. I have never been to medical school nor have I ever studied pediatric medicine. I am however a mom. And sometimes I think being the mother of a child gives you more knowledge than any medical degree.

Despite medical recommendations I have done the unthinkable and started my 3 1/2 month old on solids. Yeah...the horror. I know.

Most doctors recommend not starting solid foods until a baby is at least 6 months old. They say 4 months is okay, but they prefer 6 months typically. However, for babies with reflux or colic many doctors recommend adding rice cereal to their bottle. So how much different is to feed them cereal on a spoon rather than a bottle?

Yesterday, Elly ate her usual 6 oz bottle first thing but she was still hungry. Instead of my usual tactic, making her two more ounces and risking some major spit up, I decided to see how she did with some oatmeal. Evie was still snoozing so I plopped Elly into Evie's high chair and made her a small bowl of super watery cereal and let her try it. She loved it! Sucked down about a dozen spoonfuls before she got full.

I warned my mom when I dropped the girls off, even though it had been several hours since Elly had eaten. She will spit up for hours after she's eaten sometimes. So I told my mom what I had done to prepare her for the spit up potential. When I picked the girls up last night I asked how everything had gone and to my surprise was told that Elly had done phenomenally all day. She hadn't spit up all day and she hadn't had any of her colicky crying jags like she usually has in the afternoons.

So maybe this cereal thing was a good idea after all? Well this is day two. So we will so if the good side effects continue or if it was a one-day-fluke. We did cereal again this morning and Evie cried when I put Elly in her high chair. I promised Evie it was temporary but that Sissy wanted to eat some oatmeal. Evie decided that was okay.

I went ahead and ordered Elly a full-blown high chair yesterday morning, since we were planning on starting solids in a couple of weeks anyways. Its only a little early but it just goes to show maybe doctors don't know everything. We started Evie on solids at 4 months, against our pediatrician's concerns. (Just a side note, we have changed pediatricians and this one recommends waiting only until Elly s 4 months old) And Evie has turned out fine. She's happy and healthy and doesn't seem to have any health concerns. Her eczema was around long before I started her on solids and Elly's skin started breaking out a couple of weeks ago too. so I don't think that has anything to do with solids.

I'm very excited about starting this new chapter in Elly's life. There are so many big changes in a baby's life in the first year and solids are one of the first. Next will be sitting up unassisted and finger foods, crawling, pulling up and walking. It's so exciting! I'm so looking forward to the day when I have 2 toddlers, crazy as it seems. But that day is creeping closer and closer. Solids are just one step.

The End is Nigh?

I don't like to talk about religion or politics much. Because I'm young and liberal and around here those two traits don't earn you a lot of friends and can regularly turn good friends into hated enemies. It's easy to argue over both politics and religion and generally speaking whatever feelings someone has about one or the other are strong ones that evoke a heated emotional debate.

In the South, there are churches on every other corner because when politics come into play people's feelings get hurt and next thing you know half of the First Baptist Church's congregation has gone down the street and built a new church called Freedom Baptist Church and then someone gets mad 'cause they wanted to name the new church something else so now you have a third church across town called New Word Baptist Church and so on. It's how us Baptists are. Especially us Southern Baptists. And if you dont like it, well go somewhere else.

I don't typically like to talk about religion or politics but I'm afraid that today I'm going to, against my better judgement.

Harold Camping has decided/determined/been told/whatever that tomorrow, Saturday, May 21,2011 the rapture will take place. And it has created quite a stir in the news and on the Internet. Honestly, I have spent quite a bit of time thinking about this whole world ending thing. Not because I necessarily believe Camping is right. The odds are seriously against Camping being right, historically and Biblically speaking. But the thing that got me to thinking was the "what if...?"

I feel pretty confident that if the Rapture does occur tomorrow, my babies, my family and I will all be together. I've not worried about being left behind or struggling through the end days. Instead I have thought about those who would remain on Earth after the rapture. I read the Left Behind series several years ago (they're a great read if you have time) and I've read Revelations and I know that the days between Rapture and Armageddon will be horrible days. I feel pity for these people planning their After Rapture parties. Or people who joke about showing up for work Monday when no one else will be there. I worry about them.
And silly as it may be, I really worry about my poor little dog. Everyone's poor little dogs. Who will be left closed up in a house with only a couple of days worth of food and water accessible. Because starvation and dehydration are horrible and cruel and our sweet pets don't deserve it.

So, while I may not think that the world is ending tomorrow, it has certainly started me to thinking. What kind of world are we living in where people plan parties because they won't be going? That kind of breaks my heart. And I've kind of pondered what it will be like for everyone who doesn't go when they show up for work on Monday. I've thought about the movies coming out this summer, and the zoo trip we have planned for June. I will be sad to miss out on those. And it struck me that if the rapture does occur my Great Grandparents, who I miss terribly, will get to meet my little girls finally. I've wondered if my brother Ethan would go, and if so if all his health and mental issues would be fixed. So yeah, I've spent some time thinking about it. Just wondering. Not necessarily saying that I believe Camping. But the end of days is certainly something to gnaw on every once in awhile.

My weekend plans have not changed. I'm going to make a pot of chicken and dumplings. I still want to take the girls downtown tomorrow morning for a walk and to visit a couple of shops before it gets too hot. I'd really like for them to wear a couple of their new sundresses. Then I want to try and get my azaleas and forsythia trimmed back while Josh weedeats. After Evie's nap we are all going to troop outside to play until supper because the recent string of rainy days has left me a little gloomy and Vitamin K deficient and has made Evie hyper and obnoxious. And Saturday night will be spent watching a Disney movie with Evie, reading bedtime stories and snuggling on the couch til bedtime.

So has it affected you any? Have you spent any time thinking on the situation or changed your plans to accommodate an unplanned departure?

Either way, I think I'm good. But I am not telling anyone if I put out extra water for Mushu. Just in case...

The ABSOLUTE GREATEST gift...(aside from my kids, of course...)

Yes, that's right. I know I've been slacking on my blog lately but I have a really good excuse. Okay...its mostly just an excuse. Actually the end of last week, Blogger was down and I couldn't blog even though I had several good blog ideas during that time that of course I can no longer remember. But on Thursday evening my Mother's Day present finally arrived. And since then I've been dedicating all my spare time to it.

So, what did I get you ask...

*drum rolls*

An iPad 2!

(Please disregard my seriously chipped purple finger nail polish)

I have wanted an iPad since they came out. At first it was just a "hey, those would be neat to have" sort of want. But as the apps have improved and developers have created better and better ways to utilize the iPad's unique capabilities, my desire for one has increased 10-fold. By the time the iPad 2 came out this past March I felt like I absolutely had to have one and began trying to con my husband into getting me one convince my husband I needed one.

Finally I found a reason for him to get me one...

Educational apps...

No joke. There are tons of them. And not just crappy flash cards with the alphabet on them. But really neat applications that can entertain your kid while also helping them learn colors, shapes, alphabet, math, etc. I'm not talking about handing my two-year an iPad and telling her to go play, reducing our interacting and adding to her total screen time. But instead using the iPad to replace some of her existing television or movie time. Using the iPad creatively to draw and play and learn and not just sending her off by herself, but using the devise together as a way to help me TEACH her. How cool, huh?

So, as a collective family present to me, I finally got an iPad. Granted, I won't be receiving any more gifts until Christmas (or so my husband says...haha) but I have my iPad.

Hooray!!

Now I've loaded it up with books for me and Evie, a couple of games for me, of course Netflix and HBO and Facebook, and some educational games for Evie. Honestly, the games for Evie are pretty fun. Even if it is kindergarten and preschool level addition and subtraction or matching games. They're fun! I even got a game for Josh...in case I ever let him play it.

It's amazing watching Evie use the iPad. It's so impressive to see her immediately "get" how it works and poke the animals to make them talk or pull the string to turn of the lights or whatever. I know the device is supposed to be easy to use and intuitive, but seeing a 21 month old use it is still pretty incredible.

The only downside is that I am a little obsessed. I do most of my internet surfing on the iPad now. Even though I have a laptop at home, just because the iPad makes it more fun and more intuitive. Same for Facebook and email. Now I'm even more excited about my cellphone contract being up for renewal in November since Verizon finally has the iPhone (and the white one has been released!) so I can get some of the App Store apps I love on my phone. The iPad is super portable but I hate taking it with me EVERYwhere because it is big and expensive and not made to be as durable as a cell phone. And now that I've experienced the super awesomeness of iOS, I really hate my Droid with its lame Android OS. I mean, I hated it before. But now I really hate it. And it's less personal issue and more legitimate complaint now. The Droid seems so ugly and dark compared to the Apple devices. Ugh.

So I'm an Apple convert. Living an iTunes and App Store life.

But I'm a happy convert!

Things you never knew you'd love

A lot of things cross your mind when you see that little plus sign on the pee stick. Even if you are "ready" to be a parent there is that overwhelming feeling of "Holy Crap...is this really happening." I cannot imagine the terror of realizing you're about to be a parent when you're not at a place in your life where a kid is going to be feasible. Like these poor teenage moms on "16 and Pregnant," the MTV reality show that I love. Gosh. I know that many of them bring it on themselves by having unprotected sex but still.

Being a parent is hard. I'm told that it only gets harder as they get older and since my eldest daughter is now full-blown into terrible twos (I only THOUGHT we were having tantrums a month ago...no, no...I see now the error of my ways) I can't really fathom dealing with two teenage girls. In fact, I'm going to just pretend that I'm going to get to skip age 13-18 with both my children.

Being a parent is a tough, 24/7, no holidays or vacation time, no overtime sort of occupation. It's like nothing else you've ever done before and I don't think there's really any way to prepare yourself for it. There's no test to study for, no class to take, no detailed list of of to-do and not-to-do...sure you've got nine months but you could have 90 and you're not really ready when the nurse hands you that warm, gooey little person that you just brought into the world. Nine months of hopes and dreams and prayers coalesced into a sticky being with ten fingers and ten toes and a whole life time of possibilities.

And you thought looking at that plus sign was scary! It's only then that you realize the true terror of being a parent. The what-ifs and who-dids and how-tos. The epic fragility of a precious new life that you can hold in your arms. It is no less awe-inspiring the second time around either.

The baby books tell you all about the easy stuff you give up. And of course you quickly figure out that there is no longer any such thing as "sleeping in" on the weekends. But there are so many things that you don't even realize you've given up until someone points it out.

For example, loud music while driving. The other day I was driving without the kids for a change and a song I liked came on the radio so I turned it up a couple notches. Then I realized, what the heck, and really cranked up the radio and jammed out on the way to work. I hadn't realized until then how long it had been since I listened to music loud.

And grown-up television. I stay permanently behind in all my tv shows. I've got them all DVR'd but of course I don't want to watch things with blood or violence while Evie is up so there are very few opportunities to get caught up. Heaven forbid I want to watch a movie!

The ways that my life has changed have been for the better. After all I was getting to old to drink and party during the week and overindulging isn't good for your health any day. So having kids has helped with that. But there are a couple of things I miss. Not that I would change any of it or give up a moment that I've had with my girls.

But I do miss getting to sit in the sun and read some on the weekends. I know one day I'll get to do it again. I hope I still enjoy it as much as I used to. I miss being able to just get in the car and go to the store, or get something to eat without it being a big production involving diaper bags, packing snacks. filling sippy cups and making sure we're back in time for naps and bottles. Heck, I miss getting to go to the bathroom without company. Evie has to either come with me or she stands at the door screaming the whole time.

I also miss being able to find things in my house (like my shoes, which Evie loves to get out, wear around the house, and then hide from me). Sometimes I miss being able to get mad and throw a tantrum, because I used to be really good at losing my temper and throwing things. My cell phone has fared much better now that I am having to keep that in check. I miss feeling like I had any idea what I was doing. I miss my sanity and occasionally miss getting to sleep in. But those few things are so infinitesimal that I only miss them on the really bad days.

If you'd told me two years ago that I would love the constant noise and activity of having two kids I'd have thought you were crazy. But love it I do. I hate hearing my house unnaturally silent when my babies aren't home. It's depressing. Though the quiet of nap time is a welcome break from screams and tantrums lately. I love toys littering the living room floor and little feet pattering into my room first thing in the morning to snuggle up under the covers with me. I love cleaning sticky little hand prints off my front door every Saturday because it reminds me of all the times Evie stands at the door and yells "Hey!" or "Dog!" or "Bird!" or "Moo!" and it makes me grin. I love the magnets on my fridge, the animal cracker crumbs on my ottoman, the board books stacked around the house, the weird places I find Little People toys, watching Evie and Elly blow raspberries back and forth and discovering that I can in fact carry two babies at once.

There are so many things about parenting that no book or well-meaning friend can prepare you for. The moments of overwhelming helplessness when trying to comfort a sick child. The moments of unbelievable joy the first time your child walks or says "Mama." The ways your life will change that you don't even understand. While parenthood has many many challenges, I love every minute of it!

What's wrong with pink?

Yesterday I was casually perusing my usual mom blogs and came across a review for a book about how to raise girls in today's society. The title of the book is Cinderella Ate My Daughter by Peggy Orenstein and it is all about how to protect your daughter from today's "girlie-girl" culture. From the review I gathered that the book is about protecting our daughters from the Disney princesses, Hannah Montana and everything pink and girly.

Okay, that's not a completely fair analysis but that's kinda the main gist.

I'm incredibly offended.

What the heck is wrong with princesses and fairy tales and pink and tiaras?

I loved Ariel and Cinderella and Snow White when I was a little girl and I still spent a large part of my childhood playing in mud and riding horses. Wasn't really interested in dating until I was in high school. I was never a girly-girl despite my love of fairy tales and princesses. The author mentions that focused marketing to young girls goes all the way back to Shirley Temple, who I was obsessed with, and that Barbie, dolls and all things "girl" brainwash our kids into being oversexualized, underachieving bimbos. Good grief! Can we, as parents, please stop blaming society for EVERYTHING and try taking some responsibility?

While I agree that 8 year-olds don't need to be getting their belly button pierced and dating, I don't think that being a fan of Beauty & the Beast is going to make that happen. I've seen that there is a lot of social pressure for girls these days to act and dress much older than they are. But it's not up to society to determine how your child dresses. It's up to you!

No matter how much pink and crinoline and perfume your child wears, it's up to you to teach them the values that you want them to be instilled with. If you want them to dress like hussies, then let them dress like hussies. If you don't want them to look like floozies, then you shouldn't let them out of the house showing more skin than an R-rated movie.

A girl can be girly without being a slut. You can like Barbies and baby dolls and dress up and still enjoy going outside and playing kickball or building a dam out of mud in the creek. I managed it. And I know when I was a little girl we didn't have Miley Cyrus and Lindsey Lohan or Bratz dolls or heck, even cell phones. But just because society has changed doesn't mean that our kids have to grow up as little hellions. Just because there are cell phones that let them access everything from Facebook to HBO to porn doesn't mean we have to buy them one or let them use ours. They don't need a television in their room or their own computer unless they are trusted with it and unless you have some sort of final say as to what's on it. We don't have to advertise how well off we were by buying them the latest and greatest in technology or spending $300 on a pair of shoes that they'll only get to wear a year. It's not necessary and it's frivolous and look where unnecessary and frivolous spending has gotten us. Into a national recession that we ought to be ashamed of, because when it comes right down to it, we allowed it to happen. The government's spending has followed our own.

Rather than worrying about whether or not our daughter's are fans of the Disney Princesses we should be more concerned about raising healthy, happy girls who have good morals and good self-esteem. Girls who know that their worth is not tied to what they wear or how expensive their clothes are or how much people like them. Girls who enjoy planting flowers or riding a bike as much as they enjoy playing dress up and having a tea party. That's the kind of girls I want my kids to be.

Yes, I like to buy my kids nice things as much as anyone else. But I don't think I have gone overboard or done it to an extreme degree. Yes, they wear a lot of name brand clothes. But they also wear hand-me-downs and consignment clothes and stuff from Walmart. They don't get everything they want. They have a plethora of toys, but a lot of them were given to us by friends and family, and they don't have everything out there.

While my youngest daughter isn't yet old enough to really have an opinion, Miss Evie is totally a girly girl. Her favorite colors are pink and purple. She loves to paint her nails, put bows in her hair, play dress up and totter around in Mommy's high heels. Evie also loves playing in the sandbox, driving her four-wheeler, chasing the dogs around and getting dirty. She's a pretty good balance I think.

And I plan on doing all I can to continue that balance for both Evie and her sister, if Elly turns out girly as well. We will continue to buy and watch Disney princess movies.

I understand that how my children grow up is largely my responsibility. Of course, they will do what they want but unless I instill in them the ability to make the right choices they will probably be able to make nothing but the wrong ones. Teaching them right from wrong, values, nurturing their self-worth and self-esteem...those are not society's responsibilities. And while I know that society can have a tremendous impact on my children, I don't feel that eliminating all things princess will shield them. Besides, princesses, "real" princesses at least, can teach girls good lessons. They can teach propriety, manners, poise, dignity, grace, charity...think about Snow White and Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty.

I worry a lot about doing the right thing and raising my girls "right" but I will not be worrying about whether or not the Little Mermaid is teaching them the wrong values or whether or not they're wearing too much pink.

UPDATE: Duck Grows More

So I've really wanted to blog about Evie and the cows on Sunday. But unfortunately, I didn't send the pictures to myself so that I could use them. So I will try to get around to that tonight and you'll get to hear all about Evie and the cows tomorrow. It's adorable. I promise.

In the meantime, an update!

Well, turns out that Duck is a girl. Yep. She's a hen. Or, at least, we're pretty sure she's a hen. There's a chance she might be a late blooming rooster, but at this point, the odds are against it. While it kind of blows my mind how much these chickens have changed, Evie still recognizes little Duck. It apparently doesn't phase her that her chick is trapped in that unbelievably ugly adolescent phase.

I loved watching Evie shriek and point at the chickens this morning when I walked around to see them. She was so excited to pet Duck, who didn't seem to mind being picked up by Mimi and patted by Evie.

I know these pictures are kind of hard to see. Stupid chicken wire. And with my phone its impossible to force it to focus on something else.  But this is Duck and her brother/cousin/unrelated rooster. He has a little waddle and his comb is much bigger than the other two. So we're fairly sure he's a he.

Also interesting, when we got these chickens, they were all the same size and approximately the same age. We got 6 and 3 of them have turned out to be giant chickens while the other 3 are going to be medium sized chickens. The little ones are about half the size of the big ones. And they will literally climb on top of the big ones to eat or drink. It's kind of entertaining. If you're into watching chickens. 

So far the Evie-Chicken project is a total success. Six chicks have survived to adolescence. Soon they will be adults (and hopefully prettier) and they'll be moved to their big lot so they can scratch in the dirt and eat bugs and do other chicken things. Then, maybe I can get some half decent pictures! 

Mother's Day 2011

 Well, it has come and gone.

Thank. God.

Halfway through Sunday, Josh asked Evie to stop whining at Mommy because it was MY day and I told him no it wasn't. I didn't want it.

Sunday was awful. Not because it was Mother's Day. It was just a horrible day. And the fact that it was Mother's Day and therefore supposed to be a good day for me was just salt in the wound. A lot of salt.

Evie was in the absolute worst mood I have seen her in ever. She started by waking up early, then demanding her pacifier. Which of course she gave up last week and I had to deny her. So the rest of the morning was one continuous tantrum. Evie was throwing things, hitting her sister, climbing onto the kitchen table, trying to climb the entertainment center, climbing on the back of the couch, slamming doors, screaming, wailing, whining, flailing, tearing books...okay, you probably get the idea. If you have a toddler, this scene may be familiar.

Needless to say, I spent the morning wondering how awful of parent I was for my child to act this way. I put her in time out. I told her no. I gave her other things to do. I ignored her. I spanked her. I yelled at her. I cried. And I cried. And I cried. I just didn't know what to do. Nothing worked!

I have been told and I have read that toddlers test boundaries. And that the terrible two's and terrible three's are all about testing boundaries over and over and over. Well, Sunday was a marathon run of testing those boundaries. Josh got up around 10 a.m. (he had to work late Saturday night and didn't get home til after 2 a.m.) and that was when I finally got to eat my breakfast.

All I wanted to eat was a brie and bacon quiche and I was able to make it in the midst of the screaming and thrashing but two hours later I still hadn't gotten to eat it. So in tears, I ate my quiche. It was delicious. Super delicious. And I got to drink my coffee. Which, while also cold, was no worse for the microwaving and was scrumptious as well. I felt a little better after breakfast, but it was short-lived because I had to make brownie cupcakes and icing for the Mother's Day lunch at my grandparents and get myself and the babies dressed.

Elly, bless her heart, mostly slept through the whole disastrous morning.

The interlude of driving, lunch, watching cows with Evie and driving back was a little refreshing. But we got home, Josh left for work, and the tantrum resumed. I finally got Evie down for a nap and Elly spent most of that time eating or fussing because she couldn't decide if she was full or not. So no quiet time for me.

Then Evie was up and it was supper time and time to get ready for bed. That involved more screaming and crying and throwing things. More time outs and spankings. We did a conference call with my in-laws since my father-in-law hasn't seen the grandbabies in awhile. That actually went fairly well. But it didn't last. As soon as the video chat was over the tantrum resumed and I was so happy that it was bed time. Of course, Elly refused to go to sleep til nearly 11:30. So it was midnight before I got to bed. I was so tired that I literally hurt all over.

Really, it was an awful, awful day. But even in the middle of the screaming and crying, I squeezed Elly (Evie was sitting in time out at the time) and thought how grateful I was to be blessed with two beautiful and healthy baby girls. I thought of all the women who weren't able to have children or whose circumstances just hadn't allowed babies and thanked God for the screaming and spit-up and tears. Because while some days the bad times outnumber the good, when you take in the overall, my girls are way worth the bad days. The good times, the times when Evie brings me a dandelion she picked or Elly tries to say "momma," those little things are just the most incredibly wonderful things. I simply love them!

But Sunday was still awful.

And my present, while super-duper unbelievably awesome, still isn't here. It's supposed to be here on Thursday, according to the FedEx shipment tracker. It's in Anchorage, Alaska now.

Man I wish it were Thursday!

I hope everyone else had a much better Mother's Day than I did.

Happy Mother's Day! And other good bits...

I was feeling super overwhelmed today.

And I have been cold all day. I mean all day. Except for when I woke up. I was hot then. And I went and got ready for work and since then I have froze all day. Ugh.

And I'm worrying about how this weekend is going to go.


So I have had so much on my mind and not one of those things has been a blog.

So in the great spirit of laziness, I'm blogging about how I don't have anything to blog about. But I do!

1. This is my first Mother's Day as a mother of two babies. With my family complete. And I have some really high expectations and even higher hopes. I've set my heart on Brie and Bacon quiche for breakfast on Sunday and I'm concocting a delicious cupcake/brownie recipe to take to my grandmother's Mother's Day lunch on Sunday. I hope that it's a good weekend with lots of time with my girls and maybe even some extra relaxation time for me.

I will let you know how the cupcake/brownie concoction turns out. So far its sounding delicious. And I'm glad I'm taking them for lots of other people to eat so they don't sit around my house and single-handedly demolish my diet goals.

And I hope that all the moms out there reading this have a spectacular Mother's Day. Whether it's your first, fifth or fiftieth. Happy Mother's Day! You are a spectacular wonderful person. And no matter what your friends, family or husband might say NO ONE can do what you do! :-) And your kids know it.

Don't forget to tell your mom that you agree.

2. Wish me luck taking both girls to Boone by myself on Saturday. I'm also going to be photographing the birthday party we'll be going to for the parents. Sort of professional like. And while I did professional photography for a year as a journalist, I'm super scared about how it will turn out! Pray for me please.

3. I fit into a pair of size 8 jeans this morning and I have officially lost 50 lbs in less than 3 months. Sunday, my baby will be 3 months old and while the last 20 lbs will possibly be the hardest I feel a little accomplished. And my size 8 jeans look pretty cute! (If I say so myself...and I do!)

4. I know what I'm getting for Mother's Day and it is SOOOOOOO freaking awesome. But as of right now, it still hasn't shipped. Which is depressing. But it's supposed to be here by Friday. I'll let you know!

Hope everyone has a good weekend!

Ding Dong the Paci's gone!

Well, sorta.

After my last couple of blogs on this issue and the comments and feedback I received I came to a very big decision.

It. Was. Time.

Although nearly everyone felt that waiting until she was two wasn't really a big deal I just felt like I needed to do it now.

So Wednesday morning, I asked Evie to come sit down on the couch and talk to me. Being a toddler, she gets a kick out of climbing and rushed to climb up onto the couch and plop down beside me.

I asked her if she was ready to be a big girl. "Yeah!"

Would you be willing to give all your pacis to your Sissy? Thoughtful pause. "Umm..."

What about if you got to pick out a new toy? "Yeah!"

Okay, so you'll give all your pacis to your sister for a new toy? "Umm,...yeah..."

Okay, well, let's ask Daddy what he thinks. "Yeah!"

Daddy thought that bribing Evie with a toy was a less than frugal idea. Especially since I would be the one going with her to choose a toy. And I do have a tendency to over indulge! But he thought it was a good idea. And with her dad's support Evie decided to that she would give her pacifiers to her sister and be a big girl.

She was super excited about going to Walmart and picking out a new toy. We spent 30 minutes just going up and down the toy aisles and looking at things. Evie is terrible at making decisions because she's only a toddler. And I'm terrible at making little decisions because...well, I just always have been. Needless to say I had to call Mimi twice for her opinion and it took us nearly an hour to pick out a toy.

I decided she would be better off with some sort of lovey item that she could replace the pacifier with. Something she could hug and love on. Something comforting.

 She picked out a fru-fru dog in a purse. I was not at all surprised because it has so many components that she loves!

First, a purple purse, with straps to go over her shoulder. She loves purses and purple seems to be her favorite color. And of course a soft fuzzy dog to stuff in the purse and carry wherever she goes.

It also has a cute little leash so she can drag it around behind her wherever she goes. She really loves putting the leashes on real dogs and dragging them around. The stuffed dog doesn't seem to mind as much as they do though. And the dog has a cape-type outfit that it wears. It is easy to take on and off, though Evie seems to want Mushu to wear it. Which of course he is firmly against.

And maybe some pieces she can chew on...when she really misses that pacifier.

All in all she is super happy with her purchase. However, when we got home and actually gave Sissy one of Evie's old pacis Evie cried. I had to set down with her and remind her she was a big girl and didn't need the pacifier. That the pacifier was for babies and she was a big girl now. And of course that she got this awesome new toy. I still got a little teared up at her pitiful pleas of "Momma..." and pointing at her pacifier in her sister's mouth while tears streamed down her face. And her pitiful nods and agreements as she tried to come to terms with what may be her first mature decision.

I bit back my own urge to cry and hugged Evie while she watched Elly suck away on what had been one of her most prized possessions. When she calmed down and wiped away her tears, Evie was initially mad at Sissy for so obviously enjoying what Evie could no longer have and completely ignored her. But before it was time to go to Mimi's for the day, Evie hugged Sissy and gave her a big kiss accented with a "Muah!"

We have survived almost 36 hours now with no pacifier. I'm excited. And I was loving all the talking Evie was doing this morning and the fact that Evie paid Sissy's pacifier absolutely no attention when she dropped it. Evie has been a little slow to get to sleep for naps the last two days but dozed off without a problem last night. Evie hasn't asked for a pacifier once so I feel like she's accepted this and maybe we won't hear anything else about it. She's been far more mature about the entire thing than I expected.

Our next big girl move? Potty training. But that one I'm perfectly content waiting til after she's two to deal with. I am so not ready for potty training!

Osama's legacy

Like most Americans, I can clearly recall September 11, 2001. I was in high school at the time, a sophomore in fact, and I remember with perfect clarity standing in the courtyard that morning before going to class and looking up at the bluest sky I had ever seen. I thought it was a beautiful day and would be one of the last really beautiful days of summer, before the leaves turned brown and fell. Before the frost began coating the bus windows in the morning and making the grass sound like crunching snow. I remember looking up and feeling a clean, warm breeze. I had just turned 15 and life was pretty darn good.

I was in Algebra when I heard. I remember the feelings of uncertainty and worry and dread when one of the girls from my class rushed to the front office to call her family because her brother was in the Army and was stationed at the Pentagon. The teachers were scared as well. They wanted to watch the news but they were afraid for us to watch the news. Despite the fact that many of us had a driver's license, had facial hair, had bank accounts and part-time jobs, we were only children. We should be protected. Throughout first and second periods there were updates. Teachers were congregating in the hallways and discussing what was going on. Students went to the office to call their parents and check on loved ones. Some teachers would let their students know what was going on. (This was before everyone had a smart phone, Twitter or Facebook of course.)

I remember it was all that any one could talk about the rest of the day. The students whose teachers were a bit more relaxed had seen the news and were spreading it like wildfire. And of course, in typical high school gossip style, it was bigger and wilder and worse with every telling. I remember hearing that we were at war. I remember hearing that all the men and boys would be drafted. I remember hearing that the colleges were sending everyone home before they drafted them. I remember hearing that North Carolina was worried about the propane fields and that the National Guard had been deployed to protect them. There were some wild stories before the final bell rang at 2:45 p.m.

As soon as I got home I turned on NBC news. No particular reason, NBC was just the typical news channel for us. They replayed over and over the towers collapsing and footage from the Pentagon. I sat in the living room in front of the television all afternoon and evening listening to new reports come in about the plane going down in Pennsylvania and the few survivors that were located at Ground Zero. I can still hear Katie Couric's voice talking about what had happened and hear the uncertainty and stress in the undercurrents as new bits came in. One of the most poignant memories for me from that day was watching as all the members of Congress came together and sang God Bless America. It was a touching moment of unity and solidarity and our strong will to stand together and defend our country.

It was a day that will be etched in my memory. It's my generation's version of the day Kennedy was shot or the Challenger explosion. It was the day that the world changed.

As a nation, that day dramatically changed our attitude towards the rest of the world. We became suspicious of all things foreign. We were angry and defensive. We developed a lot of hatred. The last decade has been a decade of war. Ten years of seeing guys and girls I went to high school with go to the Middle East and either not come back or come back far different than who they were. George W. Bush's War on Terror has defined nearly half of my life. It has been an article in every newspaper, an update every news day, a hot topic of every political debate. Afghanistan. Iraq. Iran. Pakistan. The Middle East. The Muslim nations.

In the last ten years I have heard so many outrageous statements made about Muslims and the Islamic religion. How angry the religion is, how hateful its believers are, how much all Muslims hate America and how all Muslims should die. And the same people will admit that they don't even know a thing about the religion. They don't know who Muhammad is to the Muslims or what the Seven Pillars of Islam are. They don't know what the Muslim holy day is, where Mecca is, what the Koran is or how much Islam has in common with Christianity. But they know that Muslims are evil. Right...

This is what terrorism has done. This is Osama bin Laden's true legacy. And one that hasn't ended with his death. It lives on. The anger and hatred. People refuse to be open-minded anymore. They don't want anything to do with those old towel heads from the Middle East. And it's getting to where they don't want much to do with us either. Anger only breeds more anger and more anger until we're all eaten alive with it.

I admit to feeling anger and outrage and fear towards bin Laden. I resent what he did to our country 10 years ago. And all the deaths that he is responsible for before and since 9-11. But I feel no closure from his death. I hope that those who lost loved ones nearly a decade ago got some closure from the news. From our government finally fulfilling Bush's promise to make those responsible pay.

I feel no closure because nothing has really changed. Sure the man is dead. But his followers are not. And they probably feel an even greater determination and surety than before since we have eliminated their leader. And yes, our enemy is vanquished. But war wages on. This is Osama bin Laden's legacy.

It is an American victory to have finally killed Osama bin Laden. But it's a victory that fails to fill me with any joy. Hearing of his death made me reflect on the last 10 years and as a result I'm filled with more sadness than accomplishment. I'm sad for what our nation and our people have been through. I'm sad of how many innocents have suffered as a result of our rage. And I find it hard to be optimistic about the next 10 years.

This September 11 will mark the 10 year anniversary of the 2001 terrorist attacks and I hope that our military's accomplishment on May 1 makes the day a little easier for those whose lives continue to have voids from that day. I hope that this accomplishment has given our country the closure that it needs to heal and move on. I hope that from here on we can be less angry, less fearful and less antagonistic. For my children's sake I hope that in 10 more years the world will truly be a safer, happier place. I hope and I pray.

An Experiment in Paci-Seperation

So after my post yesterday and reading the comments that people wrote on Facebook and here, I decided to try an experiment last night. As I said yesterday, I hate Evie's pacifier. I can't stand watching her take it out to talk or hearing her suck-suck-suck on it in the evening.

I just hate it! And it seems like the older she gets, the more attached she is.

See how cute she is without it?

So precious!

Ugh...

Awww...

Grrr...

Okay, who am I kidding. I think she's cute all the time. But I really despise that paci.

I don't have anything against Elly's pacifier. Though I have informed everyone that pacifier use is a "last resort only" for her. Typically she doesn't want a pacifier anyways. But I don't want to create this paci-monster we've made Evie into. But the site of Elly sucking on a pacifier doesn't make me feel like a slacker like Evie does.

See, I didn't cringe a bit.

Eek!

I cringed. Surely you don't blame me. I bet you cringed too! haha.

So, anyways, where was I? Ah yes. Experiment. So last night I get home to a tired and cranky husband and two babies that are in serious need of a non-tired and cranky adult. Everyone is speaking in their loud, angry voice. And for some reason both babies were wearing only their diapers. I did not ask why. When faced with redressing two girls, especially if it's nearly bath or bedtime and warm, my husband typically errs on the side of caution and just...well, doesn't redress them. I don't blame him a bit. I'm sure I have made some hilarious faces at the outfits I have found Evie in and I admit to laughing out loud a few times.

So while it didn't seem like the optimal time to take away a comfort object from a whiny toddler, I figured she was pretty much as bad as she got so it wasn't like she was going to get worse. Let's just see what happens! Keep in mind that Evie still doesn't have a tremendous vocabulary and words that she has developed some visual sign for, she doesn't have a word for. Like her pacifier. So while I knew there would be some whining and some of Evie running up and down the hall, I figured I wouldn't have to listen to anything like "Paci, Paci, Paci, Paci, Paci" for hours or anything.

So we did baths, both kids were in pajamas, and both were ready for bed. We got Evie's blankie and picked out bed time stories. Every time she started running down the hall and trying to get me to come with her to get her pacifier, I diverted her attention to something else.

And the amazing thing?

It worked!

Now, she wasn't as peaceful after stories. And she didn't seem as relaxed when we went to bed. I could tell that not having her pacifier made her anxious and that she was agitated about the fact that I kept ignoring her cues and signals. I'm normally so good at it after all. She probably wondered if I was suffering from a traumatic brain injury because I had gotten really dumb yesterday. As if she knows what a traumatic brain injury is.

I expected to spend a lot of time going back into her room to put her back into bed. I tried to decide whether I would cave and give her a pacifier or just suffer through one night. I decided that if I gave in to whining later on in the night then next time I tried this she'd figure it out faster and be much more difficult so I wasn't going to give in.

Normally, I never hear a peep from her after I put her to bed. Some nights she might have a bad dream later on. Or if I try to put her to bed early she might get up and I will have to put her back in bed a time or two. Last night she yelled a few times. I heard her talking and was afraid that I'd have to go in there and tell her to go to sleep. But I waited it out. And after about 30 minutes, didn't hear another sound. I stayed up later than usual, worrying that she would get up since she didn't have her fail-safe pacifier to keep her asleep. But even at midnight, she was resting peacefully.

I tiptoed in to check on her, afraid she would wake right up, but she didn't even stir when I readjusted her blankets and turned her ceiling fan on because she was warm. This morning I woke up around 7 a.m. to the coffee pot turning on and Elly jingling some toy in her crib and giggling. I fetched Elly hoping that she would go back to sleep and about the same time I got Elly snuggled down in our bed, Evie came plodding in with her blankie and her stuffed alligator (which I think I will be blogging on tomorrow!).

But all in all, I thought it was a success. Will I continue with it though? Honestly, I still haven't decided.

When to ditch the Paci

Paci. Binky. Baba. Wubby. Sucker.

Whatever you call it it's the same thing - a pacifier.

Whether you were a parent who swore you'd never use one and caved or you supported the habit from the get-go, there comes a time when baby has to say bye bye to the bad habit. If you're not one of those lucky parents whose baby just doesn't care, you face a conundrum.

I never really had an opinion on babies and pacifiers. Honestly, I don't think I wasted a lot of time worrying about whether or not Evie would use a pacifier. We had several and I didn't mind her using one. Especially after I read that the American Academy of Pediatrics believed that pacifier use reduced the risk of SIDS. I planned on breast feeding Evie and wanted to wait until breastfeeding was established before I started her on the paci, but otherwise I didn't worry about it. I never worried about weaning her off. Or how she'd look out in public with one in.

A few nights after we came home Evie was so fussy at night and we just couldn't get her happy. The next day, after virtually no sleep, my mom suggested we give Evie a pacifier and although I was worried about nipple confusion (a condition many lactation consultants say doesn't exist in thriving babies, which Evie most DEFINITELY was) I was more worried about never getting any sleep. So we popped in a pacifier and voila! Silence! Evie has been a pacified baby ever since. Heck, she started sleeping through the night consistently at two weeks old.

(Just remembering what a good, easy baby she was makes me nostalgic!)

Now Evie is 20 months old. Her paci has gotten us through a lot. We've handled teething, serious schedule disruptions, the birth of a new sister...well, the list goes on and on. Once she was about 6 or 8 months old, we started limiting the paci to sleeping only. Of course recently, as her public outbursts are increasingly difficult to cope with we've allowed her the paci when our shopping trips exceed her patience. I hate to give in, but I just don't have the emotional tolerance to do my grocery shopping with two screaming babies on just a few hours sleep. I just can't handle it! Whereas I'm not one of those parents who is hiding my face in shame while my three-year-old removes her paci to use complete sentences (eek!) I am beginning to feel like the paci looks unbelievably ridiculous in her mouth.

So, cringing with dread, I'm planning the day when we remove Evie's pacifier from our lives for good. I'm looking forward to it though. I absolutely hate the way a pacifier looks in the mouth of a mobile baby. Once they're up walking around...I dunno, I just don't like it. I completely understand any parent who continues it into the second year, as I am one. Especially if, like myself, you find yourself adding a new baby to the mix, I don't know how I would survive some days if I didn't have Evie's mute button. And doctors say that up until the age of two, no permanent damage is done though extensive pacifier use beyond two years old has been linked to dental problems and speech delays.

I don't frown on parents whose three or four year olds still have a pacifier. Anything that makes your kid happy is hard to take away. Especially if their pacifier makes them as happy as Evie's makes her. And heck, it's not like you're giving them something bad. It's not like I'm doping her up with some booze or giving her benadryl. Right? It's been really easy to talk myself out of taking her paci away. I originally promised myself it'd be gone after her first birthday. Now, I've promised myself gone by her second birthday. And now I find myself wavering again.

It's just so hard!

I'm worried about it for several reasons. First, she's going to cry and whine and complain and beg. A lot. Heck, we may very well not get any sleep at all for several nights. And I'm really attached to the few hours I get. To be completely honest, I use that stupid pacifier to get her to be super nice at bed time.

"Evie, brush your teeth or you can't have your paci."

"Evie, do not hit your sister or I'll take your paci."

"Evie, stop crying and I'll give you your paci."

Honestly. Writing it out makes me feel lousy. But over the last few months keeping the peace between 8 p.m. and 10 p.m. has meant far more to me than winning parent of the year. Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do. Right? (Please, agree with me here!)

So, here I sit. With a 20 month old who is a hardcore pacifier addict. And a three month old who could care less about the whole pacifier thing. I have had it suggested that I wait til Elly's about 6 months old and take both pacifiers then. Or waiting til Elly's a year old, a good age to wean the pacifier I've heard. Otherwise I face weaning Evie from her pacifier just to have her steal them from the baby. In the meantime, I'm not encouraging a pacifier with Elly because I don't want to deal with any argument whatsoever from her. And I'm looking for creative ways to take away the pacifier that will be less traumatizing to Evie and might make the whole thing "easy" for us all. I read today about the "Pacifier Fairy" a wonderful entity who comes and takes all of a child's pacifiers and leaves a wonderful present for them. A precursor to the Tooth Fairy (whom we will be meeting far too soon I'm sure!). She sounds like a swell chick and I think I'm going to utilize her in the very near future. I just don't think I can handle seeing Evie with a pacifier for much longer.

I'm also trying not to beat myself up too much. Yes, I wish I had taken the pacifier away when Evie was younger and her memory wasn't so sharp and she didn't stand and yell "Momma" at me for 10 minutes straight and then throw herself in the floor kicking, screaming and crying. I wish we'd already gotten this out of the way, one way or the other. But either way, no permanent harm has been done. She'll be fine, if I take the pacifier away now or 6 months from now.

If anyone has any stellar pacifier weaning ideas, please let me know. Or if you have any suggestions on when to wean Evie, whether I should wait or go ahead, I welcome any input. At this point, I'm really on the fence about any and all details. That seems like the biggest hurdle right now...just deciding what to do.