So, I know the Internet is absolutely going ape s*** over the Time magazine cover. And despite my initial reluctance to weigh in...I decided to do it.
I find the Time cover to be incredibly offensive.
There. I said it. I'm going to be honest though. I haven't read the story. And probably won't bring myself to. I have read stories and blogs on extended breastfeeding as well as attachment parenting. While I don't personally buy it, I believe that within reasonable limits, parents should be able to make choices regarding how they raise their children. And if they want to breastfeed their five year-old...more power to them. Ick. But whatever.
What I find so incredibly insulting is the accompanying headline, "Are You Mom Enough?".
How dare anyone call out mothers over something so silly and insignificant as how they choose to feed their child. With all the insanity in the world today bottle vs. breast seems to be getting way too much hype. I feel like it is for all the wrong reasons. Call moms out for spending more time with friends than their kids. Or for doing drugs in front of their kids. For texting and driving with their kids. Or for letting their kids watch age-inappropriate television. Whatever. But for using a bottle instead of a breast?!?
I support breast feeding. I have read the research supporting breastfeeding. But what I REALLY support is mothers. Mothers being able to care for their babies in the best way, not just for the baby, but for the whole family. Some women aren't comfortable with breastfeeding. Some women aren't able to breastfeed. And some women darn near kill themselves trying because they have been so guilted into it by some other woman's BS superiority complex. They push themselves so hard and feel worthless and useless because they can't feed their baby the way they have been told by all the "good" books that they should. Or maybe they are only able to feed for the first couple of days or the first couple of months. Maybe the baby has a milk allergy or reflux or a weak tongue or won't latch.
How dare ANYONE make that woman feel like less of a mom!!
I breastfed Evie for almost the first 6 weeks. Before returning to work, I introduced a bottle and when I did, my milk supply pretty much dried right up. Despite my intentions to continue breastfeeding part-time, my body was in an all or nothing sort of mood and chose to not cooperate. And I honestly was relieved. With bottles, other people could feed her. I could sleep. It was so much easier. But I felt pretty good for having tried.
With Elly, I chose to not even attempt breast feeding. Evie wasn't even 18 months old when she became a big sister. She was still a baby herself. And I knew before we even brought Elly home, that it was not going to be feasible for me to take care of my big baby and breastfeed my little baby. I knew I needed all the help I could get and one of the ways I was going to need help was going to be with feeding the little one. And obviously, if I chose to breastfeed, no one else would be able to help with that. Looking back, at times I wish I had tried to breastfeed her, but I know that it would not have worked and it would have left me even more exhausted and overwhelmed than I was.
I refused to feel guilty for not being able to feed Evie longer or for not choosing to breastfeed Elly. But I am not surprised by the number of mothers who do feel guilty and like less of a woman for not being willing or able to breastfeed. I am surprised by the continued attack on the those women.
As mothers, we need to stick together. I feel like one of my "responsibilities" as a mom is to help encourage and support fellow mothers. My greatest assets over the last 4 years, from first plus sign to now, has been my mom friends. Those with older children and those who are just starting. Because your whole life changes when you get pregnant. Above and beyond what you could ever dream. And once you see that mooshed up face and hear that first choked cry, you will never be the same. You really will spend the rest of your life with a big chunk of your heart walking around outside your body.
Being a mom is hard! And our partners in the parenthood experience, our husbands, generally don't understand what it truly means to be a mom, not REALLY. So who else can we turn to except other moms? And what will we do when in typical female fashion, we are all catty and snippy and hateful to those other moms? They didn't create healthy sleep patterns in their newborns, and they didn't wait to introduce solids, and they have a family bed, and their kid is a biter, and can you believe she chose to bottle feed that poor baby? Why do women do this to each other? It makes me sad for my daughters. I cherish my mom friends regardless of the different decisions that they made when it came to raising their children. I refuse to think less of them for those choices or to judge them. Though I do admit to occasional mom-envy: for a fellow mom's unbelievably well-mannered two-year-old or an almost-too-perfect marriage. I may not always agree with their parenting decisions, but I figure unless they're doing something to endanger the lives of their kids it's not my business.
If you want to breastfeed your child until they start middle school...whatever. If you answer your child's every whimper...more power to you. Just leave me out of it. I take very good care of my kids without dropping everything to run to their aid every time they make a displeased sound. Their boo-boos get kissed, they get plenty of hugs and snuggles, and I listen to them when they speak to me. But they also have to work through some of their own issues. They squabble some and they cry. They don't get what they want when they whine. (I hate hate hate whining!) I let them make mistakes because that is how they learn. I put them in time out when they mess up. I don't do everything right. I make mistakes. But I'm a good mom. Regardless of how long I breastfed.
I feel like Time did this piece only to receive this sensational response. Not really to raise awareness for a serious issue or promote anything. I don't feel like breastfeeding or attachment parenting is getting any "positive" press for this article. Instead it has drawn a line in the sand. Placing moms on each side with children in the middle.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Thursday, May 10, 2012
My New Thing
So I have recently somehow managed to discover that I love tea.
No. Not sweet tea. Yes, I have been drinking it all of my memorable life. And yes, I do love it.
But I have discovered that I LOVE - in all caps here - LOVE hot tea. It's become a neat sort of fascination. I've spent time online looking up new flavors to try and cannot wait to finish off a box so I can try something new.
Yeah...I'm pretty sure all my co-workers have decided that I've lost my mind.
It all started because I wanted to cut out my daily diet soda. Since I had Elly, I've only allowed myself one diet soda per day. Typically a Diet Dr. Pepper. And I drink it with my lunch every day. During my weight loss journey I read that a cup of hot Green Tea in the afternoon could help with weight loss. So I started drinking a hot tea in the afternoons with a small snack. And even though I'm not trying to lose weight now, I continue to have my cup of tea because I discovered I really enjoyed it.
Keep in mind, I'm the type of person who would love to sit around and drink hot coffee all day. Except I just cannot do the caffeine. If I have coffee in the afternoon, I'm up all night. So coffee was never an option. But tea, all teas, have dramatically less caffeine than a cup of coffee.
So, as I attempted to cut out my diet soda after reading yet another article about how bad artificial sweetener is for you, I replaced it with a cup of Earl Gray tea. And holy cow! I love it!
So then I start thinking...some mornings, I get a little jittery after my coffee. I know, I'm a total wuss. Two cups of coffee and I have the mid-morning jitters. But I love sipping a couple of cups of hot coffee during breakfast and while I read the news and emails in the morning. Sipping my coffee while I get ready. I need some caffeine but maybe I need a little less. So I tried replacing one of my cups of coffee with a cup of black tea. And by Jove! I love it!
So now I have cut out my serious coffee habit. And I haven't had any headaches or jitters. Although I think everyone has decided I might be the weirdest person they know...
No. Not sweet tea. Yes, I have been drinking it all of my memorable life. And yes, I do love it.
But I have discovered that I LOVE - in all caps here - LOVE hot tea. It's become a neat sort of fascination. I've spent time online looking up new flavors to try and cannot wait to finish off a box so I can try something new.
Yeah...I'm pretty sure all my co-workers have decided that I've lost my mind.
It all started because I wanted to cut out my daily diet soda. Since I had Elly, I've only allowed myself one diet soda per day. Typically a Diet Dr. Pepper. And I drink it with my lunch every day. During my weight loss journey I read that a cup of hot Green Tea in the afternoon could help with weight loss. So I started drinking a hot tea in the afternoons with a small snack. And even though I'm not trying to lose weight now, I continue to have my cup of tea because I discovered I really enjoyed it.
Keep in mind, I'm the type of person who would love to sit around and drink hot coffee all day. Except I just cannot do the caffeine. If I have coffee in the afternoon, I'm up all night. So coffee was never an option. But tea, all teas, have dramatically less caffeine than a cup of coffee.
So, as I attempted to cut out my diet soda after reading yet another article about how bad artificial sweetener is for you, I replaced it with a cup of Earl Gray tea. And holy cow! I love it!
So then I start thinking...some mornings, I get a little jittery after my coffee. I know, I'm a total wuss. Two cups of coffee and I have the mid-morning jitters. But I love sipping a couple of cups of hot coffee during breakfast and while I read the news and emails in the morning. Sipping my coffee while I get ready. I need some caffeine but maybe I need a little less. So I tried replacing one of my cups of coffee with a cup of black tea. And by Jove! I love it!
So now I have cut out my serious coffee habit. And I haven't had any headaches or jitters. Although I think everyone has decided I might be the weirdest person they know...
Screen Time Guilt
Am I the only parent who wrestles with guilt over screen time?
I am typically a bit of a Nazi about how much TV the girls watch. Or I try to be. Their TV time each day is pretty limited. And they don't get to play video games or on my phone or iPad unless its some sort of special event. The TV turns off at the same time every morning and we have plenty of non-tv time together daily.
However, I frequently worry about them watching too much television. Pediatricians recommend children 2 and up have no more than 2 hours of screen time per day. And we exceed that. Though that time isn't spent with them mindless watching television. I interact with them while they watch tv and they typically only half way watch the screen. Still, I worry.
On bad days, when the kids won't stop fighting or whining or I feel bad or none of slept the night before, the television is a great crutch. Turn it on and I can take a breath. There is thirty minutes of peace. But then I feel guilty about it. Should I have tried harder to make them play with some toys? Or sent them to their room? What could I have done differently?
Despite the guilt, sometimes you just have to do whatever you have to do for everyone to get through the day. Especially with babies, which I really feel both of mine still qualify as. Keeping everyone happy and healthy might balance out that extra episode or three of Dora.
And I certainly don't let my kids watch any "grown up" programming. So at least they aren't spending a couple hours a day watching violence or sex or learning bad language. So maybe it's not too bad.
I am typically a bit of a Nazi about how much TV the girls watch. Or I try to be. Their TV time each day is pretty limited. And they don't get to play video games or on my phone or iPad unless its some sort of special event. The TV turns off at the same time every morning and we have plenty of non-tv time together daily.
However, I frequently worry about them watching too much television. Pediatricians recommend children 2 and up have no more than 2 hours of screen time per day. And we exceed that. Though that time isn't spent with them mindless watching television. I interact with them while they watch tv and they typically only half way watch the screen. Still, I worry.
On bad days, when the kids won't stop fighting or whining or I feel bad or none of slept the night before, the television is a great crutch. Turn it on and I can take a breath. There is thirty minutes of peace. But then I feel guilty about it. Should I have tried harder to make them play with some toys? Or sent them to their room? What could I have done differently?
Despite the guilt, sometimes you just have to do whatever you have to do for everyone to get through the day. Especially with babies, which I really feel both of mine still qualify as. Keeping everyone happy and healthy might balance out that extra episode or three of Dora.
And I certainly don't let my kids watch any "grown up" programming. So at least they aren't spending a couple hours a day watching violence or sex or learning bad language. So maybe it's not too bad.
Elly's First Procedure
It has been more than two weeks since I posted. I am so sorry! I don't really have any good excuse. But anytime I get busy or get other things on my mind, it is hard to focus long enough to compose a blog.
Elly had her first laser procedure last Friday. I was not the emotional wreck that I anticipated I would be. In fact, I managed not to cry the whole time. It was really hard watching them take my baby away, back into the hospital. My tiny, precious girl who never leaves me unless she is with my mom or husband. She has stayed for a few hours alone with my step dad. But he has never taken her out anywhere alone. She's my little home body. But I didn't want to upset her by sitting around the hospital bawling while we waited for the nurses to take her back. And I didn't want to cry when she left me, because that would make leaving me scary. So I took deep breaths and reminded myself that everything was going to be fine and said half a dozen prayers.
Luckily, the procedure took almost no time. My mother and I went back out into the waiting room and got settled. We each checked email and Facebook on our phones. By the time we got bored with that and had each gotten out a book, the nurse was calling my name over the intercom. The walk to pick up the phone to talk to the doctor was scary, I have to say. That was the "Dear God, please let her be okay. Let her be fine. Please," moment of terror. It had gone so quickly that I couldn't believe that they were already done. I was terrified that something had gone wrong! But nope. She was fine. Doctor gave me a brief run down of how things went, what to do over the next couple of weeks and reminded me that his office would call me to set up the next appointment. Two hours after arriving at the hospital we were on our way home.
Her next procedure is in mid-June. Her eye doctors appointment is a few weeks away as well. The possibility of something being wrong with her eye is a little scary. But the fact that she's had no developmental delays or problems leads me to believe that she is probably fine. Still since the doctor recommended we get her checked, we are DEFINITELY getting her checked. With almost any medical issue, early treatment is key. So "let's wait and see" just won't cut it. Especially not with something so vital as eyes.
We will have at least 2 more trips to the hospital for laser procedures. Then one more follow up to see how the whole area has healed. Then hopefully we will be done and Elly will be free of this whole thing without even a memory of it!
Elly had her first laser procedure last Friday. I was not the emotional wreck that I anticipated I would be. In fact, I managed not to cry the whole time. It was really hard watching them take my baby away, back into the hospital. My tiny, precious girl who never leaves me unless she is with my mom or husband. She has stayed for a few hours alone with my step dad. But he has never taken her out anywhere alone. She's my little home body. But I didn't want to upset her by sitting around the hospital bawling while we waited for the nurses to take her back. And I didn't want to cry when she left me, because that would make leaving me scary. So I took deep breaths and reminded myself that everything was going to be fine and said half a dozen prayers.
Luckily, the procedure took almost no time. My mother and I went back out into the waiting room and got settled. We each checked email and Facebook on our phones. By the time we got bored with that and had each gotten out a book, the nurse was calling my name over the intercom. The walk to pick up the phone to talk to the doctor was scary, I have to say. That was the "Dear God, please let her be okay. Let her be fine. Please," moment of terror. It had gone so quickly that I couldn't believe that they were already done. I was terrified that something had gone wrong! But nope. She was fine. Doctor gave me a brief run down of how things went, what to do over the next couple of weeks and reminded me that his office would call me to set up the next appointment. Two hours after arriving at the hospital we were on our way home.
Her next procedure is in mid-June. Her eye doctors appointment is a few weeks away as well. The possibility of something being wrong with her eye is a little scary. But the fact that she's had no developmental delays or problems leads me to believe that she is probably fine. Still since the doctor recommended we get her checked, we are DEFINITELY getting her checked. With almost any medical issue, early treatment is key. So "let's wait and see" just won't cut it. Especially not with something so vital as eyes.
We will have at least 2 more trips to the hospital for laser procedures. Then one more follow up to see how the whole area has healed. Then hopefully we will be done and Elly will be free of this whole thing without even a memory of it!
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