Deep down everyone just wants to be happy. The problem is that no one really knows what will ultimately make them happy, until they try it.
I think one of the biggest problems in America these days is that every one thinks that THINGS will make them happy. In particular, the biggest, nicest and most expensive THINGS. From cars to houses to toys to clothes. Americans have this serious complex about being better than everyone else. But why on earth do they feel that way? Our grandparents certainly weren't raised that way. I don't think our parents were either. But somewhere between my parents' generation and mine something happened that caused this serious disconnect in American society. People began to value things more and more. The acquisition to get more things, better things, pushed out family and friends and values. The morals that our parents were raised on are slacking in my generation and they seem to be utterly lacking from teens today.
Some of the happiest people I know are people that spend very little time worrying about what kind of car they drive, or how much their shoes cost, or whether or not their neighbor's house is nicer. The happiest people I know don't live in big lavish mansions or drive the latest model of Beamer. They don't need to. They have their families, their friends, food on the table and clothes on their back. That's all they need.
So many people spend their whole lives trying to get something better instead of just enjoying what they have. People waste their lives. Then die miserable wondering where they went wrong.
Five years ago, when Josh and I bought our little three bedroom one bath home, we thought of it as our starter home. Most people would say that was all it is. We figured in 5 or 10 years we would buy a bigger, nicer house in a better, nicer neighborhood. Since then of course a lot of things have changed.
First, the economy really flattened out and the bottom fell out of the housing market. Second, Josh and I decided we wanted to have a kid...or three...while we were young. These two factors combined have had a pretty dramatic impact on our lives. And especially on our plans for the future. The economy affected both our jobs, the housing market changed the value of our house and of course having kids changes EVERYTHING.
I have spent quite a bit of time fretting over finances lately. With #3 on the way, I know our expenses are going to go up. I have already started buying a jumbo pack of diapers every month so that we can start adjusting to that addition. But there will be more. Clothes and wipes and more laundry and more electricity and more water. Babies are quite the costly add-on.
One of the things I have fretted over the most is our continuing ability to save money each month. I don't worry that we can't cut some "fat" from our budget here and there to make ends meet if things are more than I'm anticipating when the baby comes. I worry that we won't be able to continue saving money for all the stuff I want to save for. And the main item in that list is a down payment for a new house.
I had gotten it into my head that the clock was really ticking on us upgrading homes. For one, it's important to me that I am without a house payment by the time I am of a "retirement age." The sooner the better. That's a big ole chunk of my monthly income. So I need to be in the long-term house at a reasonable age so I'm not working full-time until I'm 75 just to pay off my house. Another reason that I feel like I need to upgrade houses soon is that we have two girls already and only one full-sized bathroom in the house. Once both girls are in school that's just not going to work. We already get into some hairy situations with Evie screaming to go potty and Josh is in the bathroom and I feel like my bladder is being trampled by a tiny person (wonder why?) and am about to wet my pants. It's not often, but just often enough to make me worry about what we'll do when there are two or three potty-trained little people in the house. Thirdly, I really liked the idea of there being a "play room" in the house that the kids can just go wild in and me not worry about keeping picked up. And I feel like when the kids get older, they should be able to each have their own room if they want it. So several reasons that I've been thinking about bigger would be better. I also hate my yard currently. And hate that so little of it is usable since so much of it is a hill. And at times it would be nice to be a little further from the neighbors.
So I've had all this rolling around in my head, worrying at me. On top of that, we've had some recent additional, unplanned expenses that have eaten into our savings account, which always makes me antsy. And of course the biggest hurtle to buying a bigger home is that you need more income. And that isn't really within my control. I suppose my husband or I could get a second job. But I feel like we already get practically no time together and of course another job would cut further into that. So I don't really see that as viable.
Then last week, I was talking to my mom about money and houses and other things. She was talking about how she is going to get her house paid off this year and then she'll be free of that monthly debt. Which, by the way, I am incredibly jealous of. And we were talking about so-and-so who lives in the same house he lived in when he got married and how they rarely upgrade vehicles and as a result have money to pretty much do what they want. Take vacations, go out of town, etc. And how the generations before us generally had their houses paid off quite early, because generally they spent their lives in the house the same house that they were in when they got married.
And I got to thinking.
What's really important in our lives? Does it really matter how many square feet my house has? Is it more important to me to have that big house or would I rather go on a big family vacation each year? Do I want to spend thirty more years slowly watching a mortgage disappear while I live paycheck to paycheck and worry about money? Do kids really need their own ginormous room they can retreat to, with a tv and a laptop and an iPod?
I love my kids. And I love my husband. And I love my job. I don't love it all the time every day, but all in all, I would like to do this until I retire. It may not be a big paycheck, but it's an important job. And I get to help people. And it is not boring! So I don't see a big bump in my paycheck in the future. And my husband is doing what he can to move on up the corporate ladder
I don't think it's ever killed anyone to have to wait a couple extra minutes to use the restroom. And I've never heard of anyone dying from having to share a room with their sister. We live in a good neighborhood, one with lots of other kids that are out in the evenings riding bikes and playing ball. We have good neighbors that help out and watch out for each other.
It was like an epiphany.
What if we stayed in our current house? What if we just stayed?
I began rolling the idea around and the more I've thought about it, the more I like it. Josh and I have come up with a plan to remodel the basement. Turn the main room in the basement into our master bedroom and the smallest room into a giant walk in closet. Then convert another room down there into a mudroom/laundry room. Then turn what is currently a laundry/half-bath into a full bath. Our basement isn't one of those dirty, dark, dank, stinky basements. I mean, right now, it's not finished, so it is still pretty basementy. But it's not bad.
It's a big project. And it certainly won't happen tomorrow. We've got a long list of things to do downstairs. Starting with cleaning out all the junk and moving most of the non-trash junk into our outside storage building. Which also needs cleaning out! I'm already driving my husband a little crazy wanting to get started on stuff.
And of course, remodeling isn't free, or cheap. So it will still be a matter of waiting for money. But I'm hoping we can start the biggest chunk of the renovation in the spring with our tax refund. Finish out the new closet area and get it ready. Finish the walls in the soon-to-be bedroom and get them painted. Replace the light fixtures. Rebuild the stairs to put in a landing and make them less steep. And put down some nice plush carpet. Then do some serious furniture rearranging!
But I am really excited about it. Especially since having such a big open room means that Josh and I can FINALLY have a king sized bed! And still have room to walk in our bedroom. New carpet and a comfy reading area.
Before I'm ready to start sleeping on a separate floor from my littles, I told my hubby that I would probably want to get an alarm system installed. So that sirens will go off if a door or window is opened upstairs. And the littlest little needs to be sleeping through the night. But after we move our bedroom, the kids can have a really large playroom upstairs. And I've already got ideas for reading nooks and built in shelves.
Then the following year's tax refund could do the mudroom and the bathroom. .
Beyond the new bedroom and renovations, there's actually something I'm more excited about. I have totally gotten this whole "beating the Joneses" mentality out of my head. And I think that is just wonderful. Plus, staying in our current home means that we will continue to have money to set aside. And since this is the LAST baby (I mean it this time!) we can start using that money for vacations and family trips. More time with my family is far more important than anything else.
I think if more people found ways to be happy with what they had instead of longing for what they haven't, the world would be a much, much different place. Quit worrying about what everyone else has and look and how much you've been blessed with. If we lived in a one bedroom shack in the woods and I still had my family, I think I would be a pretty lucky gal. We all just need to thankful for what really matters, and quit worrying about all this other junk.
