When to ditch the Paci

Paci. Binky. Baba. Wubby. Sucker.

Whatever you call it it's the same thing - a pacifier.

Whether you were a parent who swore you'd never use one and caved or you supported the habit from the get-go, there comes a time when baby has to say bye bye to the bad habit. If you're not one of those lucky parents whose baby just doesn't care, you face a conundrum.

I never really had an opinion on babies and pacifiers. Honestly, I don't think I wasted a lot of time worrying about whether or not Evie would use a pacifier. We had several and I didn't mind her using one. Especially after I read that the American Academy of Pediatrics believed that pacifier use reduced the risk of SIDS. I planned on breast feeding Evie and wanted to wait until breastfeeding was established before I started her on the paci, but otherwise I didn't worry about it. I never worried about weaning her off. Or how she'd look out in public with one in.

A few nights after we came home Evie was so fussy at night and we just couldn't get her happy. The next day, after virtually no sleep, my mom suggested we give Evie a pacifier and although I was worried about nipple confusion (a condition many lactation consultants say doesn't exist in thriving babies, which Evie most DEFINITELY was) I was more worried about never getting any sleep. So we popped in a pacifier and voila! Silence! Evie has been a pacified baby ever since. Heck, she started sleeping through the night consistently at two weeks old.

(Just remembering what a good, easy baby she was makes me nostalgic!)

Now Evie is 20 months old. Her paci has gotten us through a lot. We've handled teething, serious schedule disruptions, the birth of a new sister...well, the list goes on and on. Once she was about 6 or 8 months old, we started limiting the paci to sleeping only. Of course recently, as her public outbursts are increasingly difficult to cope with we've allowed her the paci when our shopping trips exceed her patience. I hate to give in, but I just don't have the emotional tolerance to do my grocery shopping with two screaming babies on just a few hours sleep. I just can't handle it! Whereas I'm not one of those parents who is hiding my face in shame while my three-year-old removes her paci to use complete sentences (eek!) I am beginning to feel like the paci looks unbelievably ridiculous in her mouth.

So, cringing with dread, I'm planning the day when we remove Evie's pacifier from our lives for good. I'm looking forward to it though. I absolutely hate the way a pacifier looks in the mouth of a mobile baby. Once they're up walking around...I dunno, I just don't like it. I completely understand any parent who continues it into the second year, as I am one. Especially if, like myself, you find yourself adding a new baby to the mix, I don't know how I would survive some days if I didn't have Evie's mute button. And doctors say that up until the age of two, no permanent damage is done though extensive pacifier use beyond two years old has been linked to dental problems and speech delays.

I don't frown on parents whose three or four year olds still have a pacifier. Anything that makes your kid happy is hard to take away. Especially if their pacifier makes them as happy as Evie's makes her. And heck, it's not like you're giving them something bad. It's not like I'm doping her up with some booze or giving her benadryl. Right? It's been really easy to talk myself out of taking her paci away. I originally promised myself it'd be gone after her first birthday. Now, I've promised myself gone by her second birthday. And now I find myself wavering again.

It's just so hard!

I'm worried about it for several reasons. First, she's going to cry and whine and complain and beg. A lot. Heck, we may very well not get any sleep at all for several nights. And I'm really attached to the few hours I get. To be completely honest, I use that stupid pacifier to get her to be super nice at bed time.

"Evie, brush your teeth or you can't have your paci."

"Evie, do not hit your sister or I'll take your paci."

"Evie, stop crying and I'll give you your paci."

Honestly. Writing it out makes me feel lousy. But over the last few months keeping the peace between 8 p.m. and 10 p.m. has meant far more to me than winning parent of the year. Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do. Right? (Please, agree with me here!)

So, here I sit. With a 20 month old who is a hardcore pacifier addict. And a three month old who could care less about the whole pacifier thing. I have had it suggested that I wait til Elly's about 6 months old and take both pacifiers then. Or waiting til Elly's a year old, a good age to wean the pacifier I've heard. Otherwise I face weaning Evie from her pacifier just to have her steal them from the baby. In the meantime, I'm not encouraging a pacifier with Elly because I don't want to deal with any argument whatsoever from her. And I'm looking for creative ways to take away the pacifier that will be less traumatizing to Evie and might make the whole thing "easy" for us all. I read today about the "Pacifier Fairy" a wonderful entity who comes and takes all of a child's pacifiers and leaves a wonderful present for them. A precursor to the Tooth Fairy (whom we will be meeting far too soon I'm sure!). She sounds like a swell chick and I think I'm going to utilize her in the very near future. I just don't think I can handle seeing Evie with a pacifier for much longer.

I'm also trying not to beat myself up too much. Yes, I wish I had taken the pacifier away when Evie was younger and her memory wasn't so sharp and she didn't stand and yell "Momma" at me for 10 minutes straight and then throw herself in the floor kicking, screaming and crying. I wish we'd already gotten this out of the way, one way or the other. But either way, no permanent harm has been done. She'll be fine, if I take the pacifier away now or 6 months from now.

If anyone has any stellar pacifier weaning ideas, please let me know. Or if you have any suggestions on when to wean Evie, whether I should wait or go ahead, I welcome any input. At this point, I'm really on the fence about any and all details. That seems like the biggest hurdle right now...just deciding what to do.