Honestly. I forgot. Completely forgot how horrible dealing with a newborn was. My mom tells me maybe something is wrong with my brain because how else could one have forgotten?
All the sitting around and worrying. Worrying if the baby is eating enough. Why is she spitting up? Why won't she wake up? Is she pooping enough? Is she peeing enough? Why won't she go back to sleep? Why can't I go back to sleep? Why did she just sneeze? Why does she feel warm? Is she warm or am I cold? What if something is actually wrong with her?
I am a worrier anyways. And newborns are just too stressful for me. I officially want to fast forward at least 2 months in Elly's life so that I don't feel like I need to freak out all the time. Especially since my decision to not breastfeed has backfired. Elly hasn't been growing like Evie did and now seems to be constipated from the formula. She's also been to the doctor 3 times in 4 days due to her jaundice, which apparently breastfed babies deal with less. She's still losing weight, which isn't a good thing. And I'm feeling like a horrible mother since my first child had regained her birth weight at 2 days old and Elly is still down 12 ounces.
On top of the worrying, I have all the fluctuating hormones. Whereas I'm less "blue" than I was with Evie I feel more volatile. Going to from crying to happy to mad in brief periods of time. But as of today I have been un-pregnant for a week so things should start leveling out and getting back to normal.
In the meantime, its time for me to make a bottle and get up a baby and some breakfast for a toddler.
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