Post-partum reading

I knew when I had babies that my life would change. I knew that I'd have to start watching what I said and how I acted. I knew there would be less time for hanging out and drinking with friends and more time at home with the aforementioned offspring. I even knew I'd be spending more time reading "Brown Bear, Brown Bear" and "Goodnight Moon" (though my toddler has shocked me by how MUCH time I spend reading those books...over and over and over). I didn't realize that my affinity for Dean Koontz and Stephen King would be dampened or that my love for horror movies would diminish. And that I would find myself not only NOT craving the blood, guts, gore and violence from my pre-baby reading but instead spending time reading inspirational stories.

So today I read "Heaven is for Real." If you haven't heard of it here's a link Heaven is for Real. I've seen it on the shelves at Walmart. Dunno if its cheaper there. Its a short read, so you might be better off picking it up at the library if you're a fast reader like me. I read it in less than four hours.

Some people would classify this as a "religious" book but I didn't really see it as such. I think I cried at least five times. Yes. Five. And yes, it talks about Jesus and Heaven and Christianity quite a bit. But I didn't really feel like it was a religious book. As my mom said "There's a difference between being religious and being spiritual." And that's true. But it wasn't the Jesus parts that really touched me. It was the parenting parts. Of course, parenting has a lot to do with God I think.

I am so often overwhelmed by how unworthy I am of being a parent. Not because I occasionally raise my voice or lose my temper. But because children are such wonderful, amazing little blessings. Even all poop-filled and vomit-covered and screaming at 4 a.m. Of course those are the times when it is the hardest to remember how much of a blessing they are. And those are the times that I pray the hardest to please please please help me be a good mom. Give me the strength to be as good of mom as my babies deserve. Even at just 19 months, Evie, who is well into her terrible twos, can do some of the most selfless and endearing things. She wants to give her Sissy kisses every morning and one day when I was upset and crying Evie pulled me down into the floor to hug me and pat my back and give me kisses.

I've said since Evie was born that I didn't see how anyone with kids could NOT believe in God. Or some sort of higher power. Babies are the most miraculous things in the world. Watching them grow up and learn to walk and talk and love is just amazing. Proof that God is here.

And now that I've experienced a couple of years worth of baby raising, I just find that I don't get as into the violence and horror as I did before. Now it makes me worry. So instead of reading scary books, I find myself reading books about little boys who go to Heaven and gain a tremendous amount of religious insight at the ripe old age of four.

I know it sounds hokey but not only did this book make me cry, it gave me chills. Its funny the ways you change when you go from just "me" to "Mom." I never would have imagined I could tell you all the lines of "But Not the Hippopotamus." But I can. And I absolutely LOVED this book.