The Gifts

I read this really good blog this week (in one of my few unbusy moments when I wasn't sitting in the floor waiting on an almost two year to PLEASE PLEASE just pee in the freaking potty) about how much the perspective has changed towards children over the last couple of generations.

The original blog can be found here on the baby bunching site I frequent. It wasn't terribly long or detailed or anything and it wasn't poignantly written (I tend to be more impacted by lengthy, well-written bits than short and sweet. Go figure.) but it struck SUCH a chord with me. It really impacted my outlook on this whole two under two situation.

Once upon a time, you know, a few decades ago, families tended to have lots and lots of children. For one, the pill had not yet come into existence. For another, many children did not survive. You had to reproduce a lot just to have a couple make it into adulthood. And of course there was the farm to consider. You needed to have a lot of kids because there was work to be done and Mom and Dad weren't able to do it all themselves. If you had several boys to work the farm and several girls to help keep the house, well, you were set. Now we look at people who have more than two or three kids like there's something wrong with them. I admit I've done it several times to my neighbors because I think they're approaching double digits with their brood. Of course I tend to give them dirty looks because the only time I actually see the parents interacting with the kids is when they're all getting in the van to go to school. Most of the time the kids are outside playing, the oldest ones taking care of the youngest, and the parents are inside. But that's the kind of family they've chosen.

Back then, children were an asset. Something that by having, gave you more. Like a home, they started off valuable and became more valuable as time went on. They had a tangible value because they were free labor and one day you knew they'd take care of you. Now children are more seen as an investment. You invest time and money getting them into all the best activities and programs so that they can get into the best schools so that they can become functional adults. And just like stock investments, it's stressful. Sometimes the investment pays off and you have a happy functional grown child who moves out and gets a job and buys a home and gets married and gives you fat-cheeked, gummy-grinning grandbabies to love on. But sometimes the investment doesn't pay off. The market takes a turn and for reasons beyond your comprehension and control the investment bottoms out. It's jobless or homeless or lazy or a criminal. Gets addicted to dope or drink. All in all, it just doesn't go how you saw it going.

But you tried! You did everything you thought you should. You invested and you did like all the other parents but for whatever reason, your kid doesn't turn out the way it should. It's worrisome and stressful and aggravating to think of children this way.

And that's kind of how I've been thinking of my two. As an investment that I need to dedicate all my time and energy into making them perfect so they can (hopefully) grow into functional adults. It's so frustrating! I worry so much...am I spending too much time with one? too little time? are we doing enough "educational" for them? do we spend enough time reading to them? talking to them? are they watching too much tv? listening to too much angry music? should we try and home school them? should we try to get them into daycare? do I need to make more "mommy" friends so they can have more friends?

Honestly, it's ridiculous. And according to the blogger that I was reading, it's how so many parents think and worry. (Which does make me feel better!) Instead of seeing our kids as assets or investments though, we need to see them for what they really are -- gifts!

It's so true. It's not that I see my children as a burden. Or don't appreciate them. But instead of worrying about...well, EVERYTHING...I need to just savor each and every moment with them. Sounds a lot easier! And you know what, I've tried looking at it that way the last couple of days and it's been much less worrisome. I found myself last night worrying about the fact that Elly hadn't reached some milestones in the 4-6 month range yet (yeah, I know she's just now 4 months) and just made myself stop. Instead of worrying about it I spent 10 minutes blowing raspberries back and forth and watching her and Evie squealing at each other. It was adorable! And way more fun than stressing about whether or not Elly will hold weight on her legs yet.

Worrying less about how much I'm investing into them certainly makes life with my little bunch seem easier. Even crying, spitting up, throwing a tantrum or whatever, children are sweet precious gifts. I am so thankful for them everyday. Now I am making it a point to spend less time worrying and spend more time savoring these darling children.