Dealing with Loss

Losing a family member is never easy. 

Not even when that family member is tiny, four-legged, fuzzy and isn’t really “gone.”

In spring 2008, Josh bought me Mushu, a Yorkie-Shih Tzu mix, as a combo anniversary and birthday present. Mushu was a teensy ball of fuzz and he was really our first baby. Unfortunately for Mushu, in August of 2009 we had a real baby. A human baby. When little Evie came along I was not sure how Mushu would deal. I thought he would hate her. Be jealous. Maybe even bite her. But he didn’t. 

Instead he became very protective. And as a result very stressed. 

By the time Elly came along, Mushu’s protectiveness had turned into violence. Not towards any of us. But towards anyone who came to our house. Or near our yard for that matter. 

Mushu preferred to spend much of his time outside. We had a wireless electric fence and Mushu and our beagle, Emily, each had collars. So Mushu could pass much of his day running around the yard doing whatever he pleased. But this meant that when the mail ran Mushu was typically in the yard. Same goes for UPS, visitors, neighbors, whoever. And Mushu started to bite. 

Now, fully grown Mushu weighed a whopping 8 lbs. He was certainly no Rottweiler barreling down on you. But he was fast, and due to his size most people ignored him. Even after I would TELL them that he would bite. They just marched on up to the porch. Usually getting nipped on the calf as a result. 

It started off that his bites were pretty light and tentative. Never broke the skin or did damage. But over the last six months, Mushu’s bite has gotten much more serious. It escalated into a very bad bite on the calf of one of our friends who came by after church a few weeks ago. 

We could take no more. 

I started talking about rehoming him through one of the local rescue groups. 

I cried to my husband. I cried to my mom. I cried alone in my car. I cried about it a lot. 

I certainly didn’t want to get rid of Mushu. But I couldn’t have him biting everyone who came to my house. And I didn’t want to risk him escalating further and possibly biting one of us, maybe even one of the kids. 

I felt like my hands were tied. Mushu had to go.

And he did. 

Mushu seems to be much happier. He loves us, I know. And he loves the girls. But he just couldn’t handle the stress of my girls 24/7. 

Fortunately for Mushu, and for us, my mom had developed something of a soft spot for Mushu over the last four years. And she knew that he had developed a soft spot for her over the last year coming to day care. So, Mushu has moved to my mom’s house. We still get to see him 3 or 4 days a week when the girls go there for day care. But then the girls go home and he gets a break. Mushu loves it. He is getting the best of both worlds. He gets the stability and quiet of my mom’s house with the fun and love of family when the girls are there. Now I don’t have to worry about him eating up some of our visitors. But I know he is well taken care of and loved. 

I have still missed him. It’s been really weird not having him around the house. Much quieter, for one thing. But it has been nice not to worry about whether or not the mail was going to run when he was outside or making sure he was put up before anyone came to visit. 

Now we have to make sure that Maiko doesn’t grow up to be a psycho attack dog…*sigh*

Forever the "Two Under Two Zoo"

A friend asked me if I would still consider myself a "two under two" zoo once my two were no longer under two.

And it's a really good question. Technically I'm already past "two under two" at least in the most literal sense. Because Evie is no longer "under" two. She's two and a hand full of months. But you can still squeeze it in, since she's not yet three. But it won't be long til she's celebrating another birthday. I know this because it was only yesterday that I celebrated her first birthday. And only last week I held her in my arms for the very first time.

Holy cow. Three years ago at this time was when I got up REALLY early, because I couldn't sleep, and peed on a stick. Then in shock and disbelief drank a ton of water and peed on another stick. Then I went and laid in bed next to my husband feeling like the entire world had just shifted and gravity was no longer working right and everything I had ever known had changed. And it had. Because both of those pregnancy tests had a plus sign. And little Evie was growing away in my belly. It's still wild to think about. I spent a LOT of time standing in front of the mirror, staring at my perfect and flat tummy and just being in awe that a teensy person was growing in there. I miss that unflawed tummy! The one without stretch marks or extra skin. I wonder if I still have a picture floating around somewhere of that tummy? Maybe I can find one and have it framed. Cause I don't think I will ever see it again.

Yep. I miss that tummy. I'm skinnier now, but it doesn't look the same. But I digress...

So, will I still be a "two under two zoo" in another 8 months when one of my babies becomes a three-year-old?

I think so. More than the age of my children I feel like "two under two" kinda encompasses my life for the next decade or so. It's a way of life. A parenting style that is totally different from having children spaced out a few years.

Having two children less than 18 months apart changes your life. It does. Multitasking becomes second nature. Frazzled and rushed becomes a norm. You learn to let a LOT of the unnecessary things go. Laundry stacks up. And baby stuff, from toys to clothes to burp cloths, is in every room. You get by on much less sleep than you would have ever imagined. You learn to eat other people's leftovers, since you don't always have time to fix your own plate and let's face it, two-year-olds don't really eat anyways. You begin to dream about the day when you will actually get to pee in solitude without listening to a little person have a nervous breakdown outside the door. You find yourself announcing to a room of adults that "Mommy needs to go potty. I'll be right back," and then getting lots of sneers and giggles before you realize what you've done. Part of it is just the life of a parent. But for those of us with two under two, it's our lives for several years. Not just until one child is walking, talking and no longer in diapers but until a second child passes all those milestones as well. And everything we go through will be back to back. Two years of terrible twos. Two years of potty training. Two years of terrible threes. Two years of babies going off to school for the first time. Two years of babies learning to read, to write, to drive. Two years of girls becoming teens. Two years of daughters going off to college. It will all be back to back for us.

So yeah. I think my house will always be a two under two zoo. Even when they're 6 and 7 instead of 1 and 2. Or 13 and 14. Actually, maybe even more a zoo by then. Eesh.

Living with a Hemangioma

This is a strawberry hemangioma. And yes, that is the side of my sweet baby's face.

Miss Elly was born with this. Well, actually she wasn't. It didn't show up until she was a week old. But technically it was there when she was born. Hemangiomas are like benign tumors. It's a collection of blood vessels that grows incorrectly close under the skin. They show up in the days or weeks following a child's birth and grow for the first year. After the first year, hemangiomas shrink, usually fading completely by the child's fifth birthday.

Hemangiomas are more common in girls. And they're apparently hereditary, since both of my girls have one. Evie's was in her diaper area and luckily never got bigger than a pencil eraser. Still, we visited a plastic surgeon at Baptist hospital several times to keep an eye on it. Hemangiomas can appear any where on the body. They can also grow to be massive and cause lots of problems with a baby's development. Typically if a hemangioma is going to cause a child any problems, it will be removed. Either by laser or cut off.

The doctors were initially concerned with Evie's hemangioma because of the potential for irritation and infection. But by her first birthday, hers had already disappeared. Elly's caused a completely different set of worries. Because of its proximity to her eye, the doctor was worried that it's growth would interfere with her eye lid's function, her vision and therefore her development. A young child has only a very limited number of ways to take in the world and learn. Interference with vision, a major sense, could cause some very serious delays and problems for Elly.

Queue lots of worrying and stressing and praying on part of her mom.

The doctor didn't want to do anything unless it was necessary, though I was initially for lasering that bad boy off before it could cause problems. I didn't want my poor little girl dealing with this big ugly growth for half a decade. I wanted it gone! But the doctor wanted to wait til she was older. Unless it started causing any problems. In the meantime, he just wanted to wait and see. Then we could possibly look at putting her on some medication to limit its growth. Or even do some laser treatments and remove it.

At six months old the doctor started talking about laser treatments and I actually thought about what all would really be entailed in doing laser treatments. Elly would have to be put under general anesthesia, she certainly couldn't be expected to just hold still while they performed the procedure. And since she was being put under, they'd have to put her on a cardiac monitor, IVs, and might even have to intubate her. Now, a cardiac monitor isn't really that scary for an adult. Nor is an IV. Not even with my fear of needles. But this is a six month old baby. Imagining my daughter surrounded by tubes and wires scared the crap out of me! So I asked, since the hemangioma hadn't grown much, if we could wait a couple more months and see what was happening before we booked an OR. The doctor agreed. And we set up an appointment for when Elly was 8 months old.

Fortunately, at the 8 month appointment, Elly's hemangioma was starting to fade. The outer edges were nearly gone, only the dark patch by her eye remains. The plastic surgeon feels like it has grown all it will and it should continue to fade and disappear in the coming months and years.

Initially I had a lot of concerns about the aesthetic issues with Elly's hemangioma. After we decided it wasn't really interfering with her vision or development, which was my main concern. I worried about people thinking something was wrong with her. And lots of people ask if she fell down or scratched herself. I try not to. But I worry about if it hasn't faded by the time school starts, what the other kids will say to her or about her.

Kids can be so mean. I don't want Elly to start out life with a disadvantage. So I hope and pray that it is gone before then. And I know they'll notice it. Even Evie regularly points it out and asks about Sissy's booboo. And she's only two.

Despite my concerns about the presence of the hemangioma affecting Elly's future, I'm still not willing to put her through a potentially serious surgery and all the pain and problems associated with it for an aesthetic procedure. So we will wait and see. And of course pray it's gone. And thank God that it isn't causing any problems.

The Good Sort of Problems

Some weeks, you really gotta focus on the positives to get through.

This has totally been one of those weeks. Not because it's been a bad week. Though it has had some pretty bad highlights to it. Which I'm not even going to get into because they are water under the bridge and a recap, however well intentioned, will just drag all those negative feelings and bad vibes back to the forefront of my brain and I really want to keep the good vibes flowing if you know what I mean. My gosh that what as a long sentence.

But this week has absolutely been dragging. Mostly because if I can just make it through Friday I won't be back here for 10 days. TEN WHOLE DAYS. Oh-my-gosh. The only vacation I've had in the last year was my maternity leave. And I don't need to tell you how non-vacation, non-restful and non-relaxing that was. In addition, the Dowd family has never gone on a beach vacation. I haven't been to the beach since I graduated from high school. The only family sort of vacations we have taken are a trip to the zoo, trip to Tweetsie, and last year we flew out to California to see family and attend my sister-in-law's baby shower before everyone moved to NC.

So I'm just trying to take everything a day at a time and focus on the good stuff. Like the fact that I'm down yet another pound. Putting me one pound under my goal weight of 118, though I am no longer TRYING to lose weight. I guess it's a good sort of problem. And probably not one I will have after a week on vacation. Though I do plan on continuing my daily walk while we're at the beach and don't intend to suck down greasy burgers and milkshakes three meals a day or anything.

I've also seen Elly crawling. Like, really crawling. I don't know if she has temporarily given up on walking or if she has finally realized that walking is a little out of her physiological reach right now and that ANY mobility is better than none. It's going to be really hard on Evie. REALLY hard on Evie. Until she adjusts, there will probably be lots of yelling and knocked noggins. That's Evie's response whenever Elly does something terribly unacceptable or will simply not yield to Evie's incessant screaming of "SISSY!" or "NO!"--she knocks Elly on the head. Mobility is a good sort of problem for us to have though.

Evie simply won't stop talking. About helicopters and the moon and Duck and our trip and Ma's and the new porch (at Ma's) and Daddy and herself and Dora and Mickey and...well, you get the idea. It's non-stop. I just take a DEEP breath and remind myself that not too long ago I fretted and worried because she wasn't talking. Well, I am eating those words.

The best news is that it's finally Thursday. I've got so much to do this weekend that it'll be Monday before I know it. I just have to make it through another day or so at work and I'll be home free. Then I'll be trying to pack and make sure everything is done and oh wow, there is so much to remember to TAKE when you are traveling with two very little people.

So, its been a week chocked full of the good sorts of problems. I'm feeling quite blessed and fortunate. Looking forward to a weekend of packing and making lists (which I will check more than twice!). I am going to make a pot of chicken and dumplins. Maybe go pick some pumpkins. Yep, life is good.

Mom vs. Doctor

I do not have a medical degree. I have never been to medical school nor have I ever studied pediatric medicine. I am however a mom. And sometimes I think being the mother of a child gives you more knowledge than any medical degree.

Despite medical recommendations I have done the unthinkable and started my 3 1/2 month old on solids. Yeah...the horror. I know.

Most doctors recommend not starting solid foods until a baby is at least 6 months old. They say 4 months is okay, but they prefer 6 months typically. However, for babies with reflux or colic many doctors recommend adding rice cereal to their bottle. So how much different is to feed them cereal on a spoon rather than a bottle?

Yesterday, Elly ate her usual 6 oz bottle first thing but she was still hungry. Instead of my usual tactic, making her two more ounces and risking some major spit up, I decided to see how she did with some oatmeal. Evie was still snoozing so I plopped Elly into Evie's high chair and made her a small bowl of super watery cereal and let her try it. She loved it! Sucked down about a dozen spoonfuls before she got full.

I warned my mom when I dropped the girls off, even though it had been several hours since Elly had eaten. She will spit up for hours after she's eaten sometimes. So I told my mom what I had done to prepare her for the spit up potential. When I picked the girls up last night I asked how everything had gone and to my surprise was told that Elly had done phenomenally all day. She hadn't spit up all day and she hadn't had any of her colicky crying jags like she usually has in the afternoons.

So maybe this cereal thing was a good idea after all? Well this is day two. So we will so if the good side effects continue or if it was a one-day-fluke. We did cereal again this morning and Evie cried when I put Elly in her high chair. I promised Evie it was temporary but that Sissy wanted to eat some oatmeal. Evie decided that was okay.

I went ahead and ordered Elly a full-blown high chair yesterday morning, since we were planning on starting solids in a couple of weeks anyways. Its only a little early but it just goes to show maybe doctors don't know everything. We started Evie on solids at 4 months, against our pediatrician's concerns. (Just a side note, we have changed pediatricians and this one recommends waiting only until Elly s 4 months old) And Evie has turned out fine. She's happy and healthy and doesn't seem to have any health concerns. Her eczema was around long before I started her on solids and Elly's skin started breaking out a couple of weeks ago too. so I don't think that has anything to do with solids.

I'm very excited about starting this new chapter in Elly's life. There are so many big changes in a baby's life in the first year and solids are one of the first. Next will be sitting up unassisted and finger foods, crawling, pulling up and walking. It's so exciting! I'm so looking forward to the day when I have 2 toddlers, crazy as it seems. But that day is creeping closer and closer. Solids are just one step.

The ABSOLUTE GREATEST gift...(aside from my kids, of course...)

Yes, that's right. I know I've been slacking on my blog lately but I have a really good excuse. Okay...its mostly just an excuse. Actually the end of last week, Blogger was down and I couldn't blog even though I had several good blog ideas during that time that of course I can no longer remember. But on Thursday evening my Mother's Day present finally arrived. And since then I've been dedicating all my spare time to it.

So, what did I get you ask...

*drum rolls*

An iPad 2!

(Please disregard my seriously chipped purple finger nail polish)

I have wanted an iPad since they came out. At first it was just a "hey, those would be neat to have" sort of want. But as the apps have improved and developers have created better and better ways to utilize the iPad's unique capabilities, my desire for one has increased 10-fold. By the time the iPad 2 came out this past March I felt like I absolutely had to have one and began trying to con my husband into getting me one convince my husband I needed one.

Finally I found a reason for him to get me one...

Educational apps...

No joke. There are tons of them. And not just crappy flash cards with the alphabet on them. But really neat applications that can entertain your kid while also helping them learn colors, shapes, alphabet, math, etc. I'm not talking about handing my two-year an iPad and telling her to go play, reducing our interacting and adding to her total screen time. But instead using the iPad to replace some of her existing television or movie time. Using the iPad creatively to draw and play and learn and not just sending her off by herself, but using the devise together as a way to help me TEACH her. How cool, huh?

So, as a collective family present to me, I finally got an iPad. Granted, I won't be receiving any more gifts until Christmas (or so my husband says...haha) but I have my iPad.

Hooray!!

Now I've loaded it up with books for me and Evie, a couple of games for me, of course Netflix and HBO and Facebook, and some educational games for Evie. Honestly, the games for Evie are pretty fun. Even if it is kindergarten and preschool level addition and subtraction or matching games. They're fun! I even got a game for Josh...in case I ever let him play it.

It's amazing watching Evie use the iPad. It's so impressive to see her immediately "get" how it works and poke the animals to make them talk or pull the string to turn of the lights or whatever. I know the device is supposed to be easy to use and intuitive, but seeing a 21 month old use it is still pretty incredible.

The only downside is that I am a little obsessed. I do most of my internet surfing on the iPad now. Even though I have a laptop at home, just because the iPad makes it more fun and more intuitive. Same for Facebook and email. Now I'm even more excited about my cellphone contract being up for renewal in November since Verizon finally has the iPhone (and the white one has been released!) so I can get some of the App Store apps I love on my phone. The iPad is super portable but I hate taking it with me EVERYwhere because it is big and expensive and not made to be as durable as a cell phone. And now that I've experienced the super awesomeness of iOS, I really hate my Droid with its lame Android OS. I mean, I hated it before. But now I really hate it. And it's less personal issue and more legitimate complaint now. The Droid seems so ugly and dark compared to the Apple devices. Ugh.

So I'm an Apple convert. Living an iTunes and App Store life.

But I'm a happy convert!

Things you never knew you'd love

A lot of things cross your mind when you see that little plus sign on the pee stick. Even if you are "ready" to be a parent there is that overwhelming feeling of "Holy Crap...is this really happening." I cannot imagine the terror of realizing you're about to be a parent when you're not at a place in your life where a kid is going to be feasible. Like these poor teenage moms on "16 and Pregnant," the MTV reality show that I love. Gosh. I know that many of them bring it on themselves by having unprotected sex but still.

Being a parent is hard. I'm told that it only gets harder as they get older and since my eldest daughter is now full-blown into terrible twos (I only THOUGHT we were having tantrums a month ago...no, no...I see now the error of my ways) I can't really fathom dealing with two teenage girls. In fact, I'm going to just pretend that I'm going to get to skip age 13-18 with both my children.

Being a parent is a tough, 24/7, no holidays or vacation time, no overtime sort of occupation. It's like nothing else you've ever done before and I don't think there's really any way to prepare yourself for it. There's no test to study for, no class to take, no detailed list of of to-do and not-to-do...sure you've got nine months but you could have 90 and you're not really ready when the nurse hands you that warm, gooey little person that you just brought into the world. Nine months of hopes and dreams and prayers coalesced into a sticky being with ten fingers and ten toes and a whole life time of possibilities.

And you thought looking at that plus sign was scary! It's only then that you realize the true terror of being a parent. The what-ifs and who-dids and how-tos. The epic fragility of a precious new life that you can hold in your arms. It is no less awe-inspiring the second time around either.

The baby books tell you all about the easy stuff you give up. And of course you quickly figure out that there is no longer any such thing as "sleeping in" on the weekends. But there are so many things that you don't even realize you've given up until someone points it out.

For example, loud music while driving. The other day I was driving without the kids for a change and a song I liked came on the radio so I turned it up a couple notches. Then I realized, what the heck, and really cranked up the radio and jammed out on the way to work. I hadn't realized until then how long it had been since I listened to music loud.

And grown-up television. I stay permanently behind in all my tv shows. I've got them all DVR'd but of course I don't want to watch things with blood or violence while Evie is up so there are very few opportunities to get caught up. Heaven forbid I want to watch a movie!

The ways that my life has changed have been for the better. After all I was getting to old to drink and party during the week and overindulging isn't good for your health any day. So having kids has helped with that. But there are a couple of things I miss. Not that I would change any of it or give up a moment that I've had with my girls.

But I do miss getting to sit in the sun and read some on the weekends. I know one day I'll get to do it again. I hope I still enjoy it as much as I used to. I miss being able to just get in the car and go to the store, or get something to eat without it being a big production involving diaper bags, packing snacks. filling sippy cups and making sure we're back in time for naps and bottles. Heck, I miss getting to go to the bathroom without company. Evie has to either come with me or she stands at the door screaming the whole time.

I also miss being able to find things in my house (like my shoes, which Evie loves to get out, wear around the house, and then hide from me). Sometimes I miss being able to get mad and throw a tantrum, because I used to be really good at losing my temper and throwing things. My cell phone has fared much better now that I am having to keep that in check. I miss feeling like I had any idea what I was doing. I miss my sanity and occasionally miss getting to sleep in. But those few things are so infinitesimal that I only miss them on the really bad days.

If you'd told me two years ago that I would love the constant noise and activity of having two kids I'd have thought you were crazy. But love it I do. I hate hearing my house unnaturally silent when my babies aren't home. It's depressing. Though the quiet of nap time is a welcome break from screams and tantrums lately. I love toys littering the living room floor and little feet pattering into my room first thing in the morning to snuggle up under the covers with me. I love cleaning sticky little hand prints off my front door every Saturday because it reminds me of all the times Evie stands at the door and yells "Hey!" or "Dog!" or "Bird!" or "Moo!" and it makes me grin. I love the magnets on my fridge, the animal cracker crumbs on my ottoman, the board books stacked around the house, the weird places I find Little People toys, watching Evie and Elly blow raspberries back and forth and discovering that I can in fact carry two babies at once.

There are so many things about parenting that no book or well-meaning friend can prepare you for. The moments of overwhelming helplessness when trying to comfort a sick child. The moments of unbelievable joy the first time your child walks or says "Mama." The ways your life will change that you don't even understand. While parenthood has many many challenges, I love every minute of it!

Mother's Day 2011

 Well, it has come and gone.

Thank. God.

Halfway through Sunday, Josh asked Evie to stop whining at Mommy because it was MY day and I told him no it wasn't. I didn't want it.

Sunday was awful. Not because it was Mother's Day. It was just a horrible day. And the fact that it was Mother's Day and therefore supposed to be a good day for me was just salt in the wound. A lot of salt.

Evie was in the absolute worst mood I have seen her in ever. She started by waking up early, then demanding her pacifier. Which of course she gave up last week and I had to deny her. So the rest of the morning was one continuous tantrum. Evie was throwing things, hitting her sister, climbing onto the kitchen table, trying to climb the entertainment center, climbing on the back of the couch, slamming doors, screaming, wailing, whining, flailing, tearing books...okay, you probably get the idea. If you have a toddler, this scene may be familiar.

Needless to say, I spent the morning wondering how awful of parent I was for my child to act this way. I put her in time out. I told her no. I gave her other things to do. I ignored her. I spanked her. I yelled at her. I cried. And I cried. And I cried. I just didn't know what to do. Nothing worked!

I have been told and I have read that toddlers test boundaries. And that the terrible two's and terrible three's are all about testing boundaries over and over and over. Well, Sunday was a marathon run of testing those boundaries. Josh got up around 10 a.m. (he had to work late Saturday night and didn't get home til after 2 a.m.) and that was when I finally got to eat my breakfast.

All I wanted to eat was a brie and bacon quiche and I was able to make it in the midst of the screaming and thrashing but two hours later I still hadn't gotten to eat it. So in tears, I ate my quiche. It was delicious. Super delicious. And I got to drink my coffee. Which, while also cold, was no worse for the microwaving and was scrumptious as well. I felt a little better after breakfast, but it was short-lived because I had to make brownie cupcakes and icing for the Mother's Day lunch at my grandparents and get myself and the babies dressed.

Elly, bless her heart, mostly slept through the whole disastrous morning.

The interlude of driving, lunch, watching cows with Evie and driving back was a little refreshing. But we got home, Josh left for work, and the tantrum resumed. I finally got Evie down for a nap and Elly spent most of that time eating or fussing because she couldn't decide if she was full or not. So no quiet time for me.

Then Evie was up and it was supper time and time to get ready for bed. That involved more screaming and crying and throwing things. More time outs and spankings. We did a conference call with my in-laws since my father-in-law hasn't seen the grandbabies in awhile. That actually went fairly well. But it didn't last. As soon as the video chat was over the tantrum resumed and I was so happy that it was bed time. Of course, Elly refused to go to sleep til nearly 11:30. So it was midnight before I got to bed. I was so tired that I literally hurt all over.

Really, it was an awful, awful day. But even in the middle of the screaming and crying, I squeezed Elly (Evie was sitting in time out at the time) and thought how grateful I was to be blessed with two beautiful and healthy baby girls. I thought of all the women who weren't able to have children or whose circumstances just hadn't allowed babies and thanked God for the screaming and spit-up and tears. Because while some days the bad times outnumber the good, when you take in the overall, my girls are way worth the bad days. The good times, the times when Evie brings me a dandelion she picked or Elly tries to say "momma," those little things are just the most incredibly wonderful things. I simply love them!

But Sunday was still awful.

And my present, while super-duper unbelievably awesome, still isn't here. It's supposed to be here on Thursday, according to the FedEx shipment tracker. It's in Anchorage, Alaska now.

Man I wish it were Thursday!

I hope everyone else had a much better Mother's Day than I did.

An Experiment in Paci-Seperation

So after my post yesterday and reading the comments that people wrote on Facebook and here, I decided to try an experiment last night. As I said yesterday, I hate Evie's pacifier. I can't stand watching her take it out to talk or hearing her suck-suck-suck on it in the evening.

I just hate it! And it seems like the older she gets, the more attached she is.

See how cute she is without it?

So precious!

Ugh...

Awww...

Grrr...

Okay, who am I kidding. I think she's cute all the time. But I really despise that paci.

I don't have anything against Elly's pacifier. Though I have informed everyone that pacifier use is a "last resort only" for her. Typically she doesn't want a pacifier anyways. But I don't want to create this paci-monster we've made Evie into. But the site of Elly sucking on a pacifier doesn't make me feel like a slacker like Evie does.

See, I didn't cringe a bit.

Eek!

I cringed. Surely you don't blame me. I bet you cringed too! haha.

So, anyways, where was I? Ah yes. Experiment. So last night I get home to a tired and cranky husband and two babies that are in serious need of a non-tired and cranky adult. Everyone is speaking in their loud, angry voice. And for some reason both babies were wearing only their diapers. I did not ask why. When faced with redressing two girls, especially if it's nearly bath or bedtime and warm, my husband typically errs on the side of caution and just...well, doesn't redress them. I don't blame him a bit. I'm sure I have made some hilarious faces at the outfits I have found Evie in and I admit to laughing out loud a few times.

So while it didn't seem like the optimal time to take away a comfort object from a whiny toddler, I figured she was pretty much as bad as she got so it wasn't like she was going to get worse. Let's just see what happens! Keep in mind that Evie still doesn't have a tremendous vocabulary and words that she has developed some visual sign for, she doesn't have a word for. Like her pacifier. So while I knew there would be some whining and some of Evie running up and down the hall, I figured I wouldn't have to listen to anything like "Paci, Paci, Paci, Paci, Paci" for hours or anything.

So we did baths, both kids were in pajamas, and both were ready for bed. We got Evie's blankie and picked out bed time stories. Every time she started running down the hall and trying to get me to come with her to get her pacifier, I diverted her attention to something else.

And the amazing thing?

It worked!

Now, she wasn't as peaceful after stories. And she didn't seem as relaxed when we went to bed. I could tell that not having her pacifier made her anxious and that she was agitated about the fact that I kept ignoring her cues and signals. I'm normally so good at it after all. She probably wondered if I was suffering from a traumatic brain injury because I had gotten really dumb yesterday. As if she knows what a traumatic brain injury is.

I expected to spend a lot of time going back into her room to put her back into bed. I tried to decide whether I would cave and give her a pacifier or just suffer through one night. I decided that if I gave in to whining later on in the night then next time I tried this she'd figure it out faster and be much more difficult so I wasn't going to give in.

Normally, I never hear a peep from her after I put her to bed. Some nights she might have a bad dream later on. Or if I try to put her to bed early she might get up and I will have to put her back in bed a time or two. Last night she yelled a few times. I heard her talking and was afraid that I'd have to go in there and tell her to go to sleep. But I waited it out. And after about 30 minutes, didn't hear another sound. I stayed up later than usual, worrying that she would get up since she didn't have her fail-safe pacifier to keep her asleep. But even at midnight, she was resting peacefully.

I tiptoed in to check on her, afraid she would wake right up, but she didn't even stir when I readjusted her blankets and turned her ceiling fan on because she was warm. This morning I woke up around 7 a.m. to the coffee pot turning on and Elly jingling some toy in her crib and giggling. I fetched Elly hoping that she would go back to sleep and about the same time I got Elly snuggled down in our bed, Evie came plodding in with her blankie and her stuffed alligator (which I think I will be blogging on tomorrow!).

But all in all, I thought it was a success. Will I continue with it though? Honestly, I still haven't decided.

UPDATE: Duck Grows

So, last Saturday, Evie acquired her first "for her" pet. I took the girls and met Mimi at the local Tractor Supply and we bought some chickens. Six to be exact and one of those has spots on his back and became Evie's chicken.

That chick's name is Duck. And I know you're all dying to know how he's doing.

Well, he's great. He's grown. Evie is still infatuated with him. She wants to go check on him every day first thing when we get to Mimi's. It's positively adorable. This summer we are planning on letting her interact with the chicks a lot. I hope that as a result when the chickens are adults they are still friendly and approachable. I am really excited about the future friendship for Evie and these chicks!

Baby wearing - An update

I know its not even been a week yet, but I think that baby wearing is going so well that I just have to let someone know.

I absolutely love it! And Elly does too. When you find yourself with two children less than 18 months apart, there are some unique challenges that you have to find a way to address. One of those is taking both babies out in public.

I love to go to Walmart. I know, I'm insane. But I'm serious. I love going to Walmart. Since I had Elly, my only trips to Walmart have been when I had back-up. Either Josh to take care of one baby at the house, or Josh to go with me and we each get a shopping cart and a baby. But Saturday, I took both babies to Walmart by myself and it worked great. Other than a couple of smart ass comments.

When we got to the store, I put Elly in her sling (feeling a tad bit silly but that's mostly because I haven't 100% got the hang of getting her into it yet) and went around to get Evie. I debated grabbing a cart and pushing Evie in but figured the workout might be good. So I put Evie on one hip and we hiked across the parking lot. It was a hike. And although I was carrying both babies, with Elly in her sling it was pretty comfortable and incredibly easy. I kept worrying about Elly falling out, which is silly because there's not really any way for her to. But we made it inside without issue. I grumbled that the Walmart greeter wasn't there to get me a cart out, but I got Evie safely installed and we were ready to shop. As I was walking across the store a couple of people made comments that I looked like I had my hands full. Thanks, Statement of the Obvious. I am too Southern to be rude to my elders so I smiled and nodded in agreement, biting back a venomous retort each time.

One genius asked me if "that thing" really worked. I raised my eyebrows and asked if she was referring to the sling. Again, I'm Southern. So I was polite and told her that it was great for babies, especially if you had more than one, and that I really recommended it.

Shopping continued and I continued to marvel at how simple it was to reach down and replace Elly's paci and check on her while still pushing the cart and interacting with Evie. Elly slept part of the trip and part of the trip she spent in awe of the light fixtures and the people and everything around us. Evie enjoyed it too. She seems to like having Sissy with us but she doesn't really like having to share "our" stuff with her. And going to Walmart is typically one of "our" things. But this didn't really feel like she was having to "share" me. I didn't feel like I was splitting my time between them. Because Elly was right there I wasn't having to leave Evie or interrupt what we were doing or talking about to take care of the little one.

Getting everyone into the car was a bit different. I put Elly in her seat first but didn't strap her in because it was too awkward to lift Evie out of the cart. I was afraid Elly would get kicked or squished. And I didn't like leaving Evie sitting in the shopping cart while I was on the other side of the car. Then I put Evie in her seat, went back and strapped Elly into hers. Then loaded the groceries. All in all, the shopping trip was great.

I also did some house work while wearing Elly and she just seems to be much happier and more content in that little sling. She's so needy and it makes it so much more handy to just reach down and return a spit out paci or say a soothing word when she's right there. Rather than stopping what I'm doing and going to assist her.

There are still a lot of times out in public that the double stroller will be better. Long mall trips for example. Trips to the park. Etc. But short outings and around the house, the sling is AWESOME!

Of Dying Ducks and Buying Easter Eggs...Err...

I hope you all had a fabulous holiday weekend. If you didn't, well, you might not want to read ahead. Because I did. And I'm going to tell you all about how fabulous it was! No. Really.

I had a fabulous holiday weekend. Absolutely splendid! One of the best weekends I've had in awhile. It ended poorly, but the fact that they end at all is kind of a bummer. But I'll get to that later. Anywho.

My holiday weekend started on Friday night. After I finally got the girls in bed and asleep I boiled eggs for Evie.

I only boiled a dozen. I figured a 20 month-old wasn't going to have the attention span for any more than that. And I'm too old to color eggs for my own entertainment. So, an even dozen. And although it only rarely happens if I'm boiling eggs to eat, four of those eggs split. I was a little aggravated. I mean, Evie really wasn't going to care how pretty her eggs were. But I kind of did.

I plucked them from the water and plopped them back into the carton. Popped it into the fridge. And trotted my butt off to bed. It was after 11 by this time and I was EXHAUSTED. I had really high hopes for egg coloring on Saturday. And of course the chicken purchasing adventure was planned.

After our Walmart excursion and chicken purchasing, me and the girls returned home for lunch and some time with Daddy. I got everything set up for egg coloring and after lunch stripped Evie down and let her have at it.

Evie was incredibly impressed by the fizzing tablets in their clear cups. How fortunate I was to have these clear plastic cups on hand as well! I'd love to say that I had planned it this way. But it was just luck and my husband remembering that we had them while I was digging through the cabinets cursing my general lack of small, squat cups.

"Why don't you just use those clear plastic cups? Do we still have them?"

I had to pick my jaw up from the floor to go dig through the pantry to find them. I couldn't believe my husband had this idea and I hadn't! But next year, I hope to remember this, because it worked perfectly. No stains in my cups or mess to clean up. No extra dishes. Just throw them away! It was great.

The eggs looked pretty, soaking away. Evie was impressed. However, Evie wasn't particularly interested in coloring. While I had anticipated having to wrestle her for dye cups and a tremendous mess all over my kitchen, there was practically none.

Evie marveled at the little eggs scoops when it was time to get the eggs out. But otherwise, she happily sat in her high chair munching on one of the hard-boiled eggs. Yeah. Right off the bat, she reached into the carton, grabbed one of the ugly eggs, peeled it and started chomping away. Go figure. I've never seen her express any interest in eggs before. Now she'd rather sit and snack on one that make a huge mess with cups of dye. But she was happy. So I put eggs in the colors she indicated. We waited while they turned. Then I placed them back into the carton, letting her point to the ones she liked. Then it was clean up and nap time.

It was all incredibly laid back. Nearly disappointingly so. I had the video camera on standby to record the wild hilarity of it all. And there was nothing but Evie eating an egg while I colored 11 others.

When she got up from her nap on Saturday, she wanted to call Mimi to ask how Duck was. She went to the door and pointed outside and started yelling "Duck!" until I called Mimi. It was adorable. But the rest of the day was without incident.


Sunday was incredibly hectic. This was my first holiday with two babies. Getting the three of us up, fed and dressed for a regular day when the babies' appearances don't matter is hard enough. Getting us all out the door dressed to impress in our Easter best...(I didn't mean for that to sound so Suessy) wow. What a challenge! I don't know if it is more or less of a challenge that Elly is still so young. She's easier to dress and I don't have to worry about her falling down and getting her dress dirty. Instead I have to worry about her puking on herself or deciding she's hungry when it's time for us to leave. I was afraid to dress Evie too early, afraid to dress her too late. And of course, Josh was at work and therefore no help!

Believe it or not, we made it to church on time. The girls in their adorable matching dresses. Me...well, I was dressed in a dress. But it was nothing to write home about.

After church my parents came back to my house for Evie's very first Easter egg hunt and some lunch. I couldn't believe how quickly Evie picked up on Easter egg hunting. After a brief debacle where she had to fight the beagle off of one of her eggs and we discovered that the beagle had gone and eaten the eggs she could get to, it went quickly and smoothly.

Lunch was ham, mashed potatoes, corn on the cob, macaroni and cheese, and yeast rolls. Carb heavy but simple. And delicious! Josh got home before supper time and we had a great family evening.

Then yesterday I took off work to take Elly to another doctor's appointment with the plastic surgeon about her hemangioma. Got great news there. No growth and the doc thought that since it wasn't growing yet it may not. Another great evening with my little family since Josh was off work.

So all in all, the "duck" buying and Easter egg dying went fabulously! It was an awesome weekend. Wish I could take three day weekends more often!

Hope you enjoyed yours as well.

How much do I love spring?

So, so very much!

Warm weather is here. And although I keep having to close the windows and turn the heat on at night I can tell that warm weather is here to stay. And I am so happy.

I don't know how much of it is psychological, physiological or just logical, but winter is depressing. Even as my preggo butt was waddling around sweating while it was 30 degrees outside this past January, I was so looking forward to warm weather. One, because by January I was getting tired of being pregnant. Again. But even while I was grateful that it wasn't 90 degrees (because I've had one summer pregnancy and it sucked), I really wished it were spring. I hate that everything is so dead and brown and depressing in the winter.

I love watching as my day lilies come up and my daffodils. The small tender shoots pushing up through last year's mulch and dead leaves. 

Daffodils are just such happy spring flowers.

Warm weather makes life so much better. So much easier. Especially with kids. All winter I was hard-pressed to find ways to entertain Evie. She's a ball of energy and most days the weather just didn't make it feasible to take her outside. Even if she were bundled up in multiple layers. It was just always so icy and icky. And I can't get a one year old to work a puzzle or read a book all morning. That lasts about two minutes. Then she's ripping pages out and chewing on the spine of the book or tossing puzzle pieces at the dog. I don't think there are many toddlers who are big on sedentary activities, but if there are mine is certainly not one of them.

Now that the weather is nice, we are outside every chance we get. And this summer we'll be hitting the parks and pools all the time. As a result, Evie is taking the best naps she's taken since she learned to walk. And is going to bed on time without any argument. She's eating well, has a little color in her cheeks and generally seems to be a happier kid than she has been for the last 6 months.

She loves taking walks down the street. We live in a pretty quiet neighborhood with lots of kids so my husband and I let her just run ahead a short distance and explore.

She is in a "what is that" phase right now so she spends the whole walk pointing and asking "Dat?" and waiting for a response. It can be completely exasperating to tell her over and over "tree," "bird," "car," "truck" etc. But I just take a deep breath and remember that a few months ago I was worried about if she'd ever start talking.

Today Evie got to blow out her first dandelion.

She more patted it than blew on it. But that's okay. It was still adorable. Her daddy loved getting to show her how to do something.

This is Evie's first real spring. I mean last year she was still more of a "squab" as my great grandmother called them. Squab being a baby that isn't able to really do anything yet. Of course last year she could sit up by this time. But she couldn't get around and really see and feel everything. She couldn't crush the dandelions, pick up sticks, stomp the hosta, crunch the leaves or any of the other exciting ways she has to explore and experience the world this year.

She just loves to be outside and getting into stuff. She has been very impressed by flowers and birds and trees and more birds. Birds are one of her new favorites. Especially since Mimi brought one of her domesticated doves inside for Evie to pet the other day. Since then it's gone from enthusiastic interest to fanatic obsession. A little creepy. Pointing out every bird that she spots and even accusing airplanes of being birds.

Some days it sort of feels like I'm taking a bad puppy outside, constantly yelling at her to get away from the road, come back up the hill, stay out of the neighbors yard or to stop chewing on a stick but other days it's like I'm experiencing the great outdoors for the first time myself. She wants to see whats under all the rocks. She wants to feel the azaleas and the bark on the tree. She wants me to label every plant, bird, dog, rock and twig for her. And its awesome! Her enthusiasm is contagious and I love it. Every thing seems even more fresh and new.

It has made this spring even more beautiful and inspiring. I have felt completely renewed over the last couple of weeks. I am loving this spring and I cannot wait for the next pretty day!

We've survived!

I hate to be overly enthusiastic...

This early into the game...it could jinx us. But...two months down. We've made it this far. I remember the first two months being the hardest with Evie. Though of course it was a cake walk compared to the two months with Elly. From that point on, baby's immune system improves dramatically, baby starts being awake more during the day, sleeping better at night, holding her head up well and just generally becoming easier to take care of. Two more months and we'll be starting cereal and solids and baby will be more like a person than a high-maintenance time-suck.

So we went to Elly's two month check-up today. She laughed and smiled while we waited for the doctor to come check her. I undressed her per the nurse's instructions. We walked around the room looking at the art work and "talking."

She loved the art work. She stared at this one painting and wouldn't look at me...

No matter how many times I cooed and said her name.

She was in love. Completely and utterly in love. 

Nothing would draw her away from this picture. And being a little person barely experienced in this world she couldn't be getting more from the picture than just being awed by the colors. Though it's a neat picture of a construction site with lots of labeling and little interesting people.

She stared at it from the time I got her clothes back on her after the doctor left us until the nurse came to give her the injections. 

While we waited for the doctor I marveled at how much different she is from Evie. It's amazing how much difference there can be in two personalities. I can't wait to see how much different and alike they are when they're older and really have their "own" personality. When Evie was a baby she was either crying or she wasn't. There weren't a lot of "noises" in between. She did the "ah-goo" type stuff eventually but nothing like what Elly does. Elly talks all the time. Grunts and coos and makes little "ah" and "ooh" and "eww" noises. I've even heard some consonant type noises. Her smile is just adorable and the rare laughs I can get from her are just too precious. 

I also marveled at how much simpler going to the doctor was with just one baby. Especially when that baby wasn't sick.

The doctor said she had "perfect skin" and looked "great." Her weight is in the 94 percentile and her height is 66 percentile. She's growing great and is doing really well. I asked the doctor about Elly's tongue, which seems really short. My husband was born "tongue-tied" and it's something that I've worried about one of our children having. He had a procedure done at 18 months old to actually snip the membrane under his tongue slightly making it easier for him to talk. The doctor said that she does seem to be a little tongue-tied and its something else we will have to monitor. *sigh* So now we're monitoring a large hemangioma on Elly's forehead and a membrane under her tongue. The doctor said many children are able to stretch the membrane out on their own without any procedure.

Which is good. Because I don't like hospitals. And I don't ever want to need to take one of my babies back to one.

 I don't want to see this again...and I hope you understand why. This...is heartbreaking.

I want to see more of this...

And this...

 

I love sleeping babies. They warm the cockles of my heart. :-) As do baby feet. 

Like these. I could just kiss them. And I do. 

But back to our doctor's appointment. All in all the doctor deemed her to be in excellent health. Told me to keep up the good work and that she'd see me in a couple of months. Then we had to wait for the nurse to come with the shots. Which SUCKED. Poor little Elly. It's hard to grasp what a baby's impression of their first real physical pain is. I mean, shots HURT. Really hurt. And this is the first time a baby has experienced anything like that. Elly didn't just scream. She wailed. And yelled. And cried. And pulled my hair. I'm not sure but I think the last was intentional. If it wasn't she made it look pretty intentional. 

But she survived. And we dried off her face and put her little pants back on. She cried a little more. I gave her the paci back and put her in her car seat. About 30 seconds later she was asleep. 

Leaving the doctor's office I was still elated that we had all made it to this important milestone. Maybe we can survive this after all!