Mom vs. Doctor

I do not have a medical degree. I have never been to medical school nor have I ever studied pediatric medicine. I am however a mom. And sometimes I think being the mother of a child gives you more knowledge than any medical degree.

Despite medical recommendations I have done the unthinkable and started my 3 1/2 month old on solids. Yeah...the horror. I know.

Most doctors recommend not starting solid foods until a baby is at least 6 months old. They say 4 months is okay, but they prefer 6 months typically. However, for babies with reflux or colic many doctors recommend adding rice cereal to their bottle. So how much different is to feed them cereal on a spoon rather than a bottle?

Yesterday, Elly ate her usual 6 oz bottle first thing but she was still hungry. Instead of my usual tactic, making her two more ounces and risking some major spit up, I decided to see how she did with some oatmeal. Evie was still snoozing so I plopped Elly into Evie's high chair and made her a small bowl of super watery cereal and let her try it. She loved it! Sucked down about a dozen spoonfuls before she got full.

I warned my mom when I dropped the girls off, even though it had been several hours since Elly had eaten. She will spit up for hours after she's eaten sometimes. So I told my mom what I had done to prepare her for the spit up potential. When I picked the girls up last night I asked how everything had gone and to my surprise was told that Elly had done phenomenally all day. She hadn't spit up all day and she hadn't had any of her colicky crying jags like she usually has in the afternoons.

So maybe this cereal thing was a good idea after all? Well this is day two. So we will so if the good side effects continue or if it was a one-day-fluke. We did cereal again this morning and Evie cried when I put Elly in her high chair. I promised Evie it was temporary but that Sissy wanted to eat some oatmeal. Evie decided that was okay.

I went ahead and ordered Elly a full-blown high chair yesterday morning, since we were planning on starting solids in a couple of weeks anyways. Its only a little early but it just goes to show maybe doctors don't know everything. We started Evie on solids at 4 months, against our pediatrician's concerns. (Just a side note, we have changed pediatricians and this one recommends waiting only until Elly s 4 months old) And Evie has turned out fine. She's happy and healthy and doesn't seem to have any health concerns. Her eczema was around long before I started her on solids and Elly's skin started breaking out a couple of weeks ago too. so I don't think that has anything to do with solids.

I'm very excited about starting this new chapter in Elly's life. There are so many big changes in a baby's life in the first year and solids are one of the first. Next will be sitting up unassisted and finger foods, crawling, pulling up and walking. It's so exciting! I'm so looking forward to the day when I have 2 toddlers, crazy as it seems. But that day is creeping closer and closer. Solids are just one step.

Ding Dong the Paci's gone!

Well, sorta.

After my last couple of blogs on this issue and the comments and feedback I received I came to a very big decision.

It. Was. Time.

Although nearly everyone felt that waiting until she was two wasn't really a big deal I just felt like I needed to do it now.

So Wednesday morning, I asked Evie to come sit down on the couch and talk to me. Being a toddler, she gets a kick out of climbing and rushed to climb up onto the couch and plop down beside me.

I asked her if she was ready to be a big girl. "Yeah!"

Would you be willing to give all your pacis to your Sissy? Thoughtful pause. "Umm..."

What about if you got to pick out a new toy? "Yeah!"

Okay, so you'll give all your pacis to your sister for a new toy? "Umm,...yeah..."

Okay, well, let's ask Daddy what he thinks. "Yeah!"

Daddy thought that bribing Evie with a toy was a less than frugal idea. Especially since I would be the one going with her to choose a toy. And I do have a tendency to over indulge! But he thought it was a good idea. And with her dad's support Evie decided to that she would give her pacifiers to her sister and be a big girl.

She was super excited about going to Walmart and picking out a new toy. We spent 30 minutes just going up and down the toy aisles and looking at things. Evie is terrible at making decisions because she's only a toddler. And I'm terrible at making little decisions because...well, I just always have been. Needless to say I had to call Mimi twice for her opinion and it took us nearly an hour to pick out a toy.

I decided she would be better off with some sort of lovey item that she could replace the pacifier with. Something she could hug and love on. Something comforting.

 She picked out a fru-fru dog in a purse. I was not at all surprised because it has so many components that she loves!

First, a purple purse, with straps to go over her shoulder. She loves purses and purple seems to be her favorite color. And of course a soft fuzzy dog to stuff in the purse and carry wherever she goes.

It also has a cute little leash so she can drag it around behind her wherever she goes. She really loves putting the leashes on real dogs and dragging them around. The stuffed dog doesn't seem to mind as much as they do though. And the dog has a cape-type outfit that it wears. It is easy to take on and off, though Evie seems to want Mushu to wear it. Which of course he is firmly against.

And maybe some pieces she can chew on...when she really misses that pacifier.

All in all she is super happy with her purchase. However, when we got home and actually gave Sissy one of Evie's old pacis Evie cried. I had to set down with her and remind her she was a big girl and didn't need the pacifier. That the pacifier was for babies and she was a big girl now. And of course that she got this awesome new toy. I still got a little teared up at her pitiful pleas of "Momma..." and pointing at her pacifier in her sister's mouth while tears streamed down her face. And her pitiful nods and agreements as she tried to come to terms with what may be her first mature decision.

I bit back my own urge to cry and hugged Evie while she watched Elly suck away on what had been one of her most prized possessions. When she calmed down and wiped away her tears, Evie was initially mad at Sissy for so obviously enjoying what Evie could no longer have and completely ignored her. But before it was time to go to Mimi's for the day, Evie hugged Sissy and gave her a big kiss accented with a "Muah!"

We have survived almost 36 hours now with no pacifier. I'm excited. And I was loving all the talking Evie was doing this morning and the fact that Evie paid Sissy's pacifier absolutely no attention when she dropped it. Evie has been a little slow to get to sleep for naps the last two days but dozed off without a problem last night. Evie hasn't asked for a pacifier once so I feel like she's accepted this and maybe we won't hear anything else about it. She's been far more mature about the entire thing than I expected.

Our next big girl move? Potty training. But that one I'm perfectly content waiting til after she's two to deal with. I am so not ready for potty training!

When to ditch the Paci

Paci. Binky. Baba. Wubby. Sucker.

Whatever you call it it's the same thing - a pacifier.

Whether you were a parent who swore you'd never use one and caved or you supported the habit from the get-go, there comes a time when baby has to say bye bye to the bad habit. If you're not one of those lucky parents whose baby just doesn't care, you face a conundrum.

I never really had an opinion on babies and pacifiers. Honestly, I don't think I wasted a lot of time worrying about whether or not Evie would use a pacifier. We had several and I didn't mind her using one. Especially after I read that the American Academy of Pediatrics believed that pacifier use reduced the risk of SIDS. I planned on breast feeding Evie and wanted to wait until breastfeeding was established before I started her on the paci, but otherwise I didn't worry about it. I never worried about weaning her off. Or how she'd look out in public with one in.

A few nights after we came home Evie was so fussy at night and we just couldn't get her happy. The next day, after virtually no sleep, my mom suggested we give Evie a pacifier and although I was worried about nipple confusion (a condition many lactation consultants say doesn't exist in thriving babies, which Evie most DEFINITELY was) I was more worried about never getting any sleep. So we popped in a pacifier and voila! Silence! Evie has been a pacified baby ever since. Heck, she started sleeping through the night consistently at two weeks old.

(Just remembering what a good, easy baby she was makes me nostalgic!)

Now Evie is 20 months old. Her paci has gotten us through a lot. We've handled teething, serious schedule disruptions, the birth of a new sister...well, the list goes on and on. Once she was about 6 or 8 months old, we started limiting the paci to sleeping only. Of course recently, as her public outbursts are increasingly difficult to cope with we've allowed her the paci when our shopping trips exceed her patience. I hate to give in, but I just don't have the emotional tolerance to do my grocery shopping with two screaming babies on just a few hours sleep. I just can't handle it! Whereas I'm not one of those parents who is hiding my face in shame while my three-year-old removes her paci to use complete sentences (eek!) I am beginning to feel like the paci looks unbelievably ridiculous in her mouth.

So, cringing with dread, I'm planning the day when we remove Evie's pacifier from our lives for good. I'm looking forward to it though. I absolutely hate the way a pacifier looks in the mouth of a mobile baby. Once they're up walking around...I dunno, I just don't like it. I completely understand any parent who continues it into the second year, as I am one. Especially if, like myself, you find yourself adding a new baby to the mix, I don't know how I would survive some days if I didn't have Evie's mute button. And doctors say that up until the age of two, no permanent damage is done though extensive pacifier use beyond two years old has been linked to dental problems and speech delays.

I don't frown on parents whose three or four year olds still have a pacifier. Anything that makes your kid happy is hard to take away. Especially if their pacifier makes them as happy as Evie's makes her. And heck, it's not like you're giving them something bad. It's not like I'm doping her up with some booze or giving her benadryl. Right? It's been really easy to talk myself out of taking her paci away. I originally promised myself it'd be gone after her first birthday. Now, I've promised myself gone by her second birthday. And now I find myself wavering again.

It's just so hard!

I'm worried about it for several reasons. First, she's going to cry and whine and complain and beg. A lot. Heck, we may very well not get any sleep at all for several nights. And I'm really attached to the few hours I get. To be completely honest, I use that stupid pacifier to get her to be super nice at bed time.

"Evie, brush your teeth or you can't have your paci."

"Evie, do not hit your sister or I'll take your paci."

"Evie, stop crying and I'll give you your paci."

Honestly. Writing it out makes me feel lousy. But over the last few months keeping the peace between 8 p.m. and 10 p.m. has meant far more to me than winning parent of the year. Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do. Right? (Please, agree with me here!)

So, here I sit. With a 20 month old who is a hardcore pacifier addict. And a three month old who could care less about the whole pacifier thing. I have had it suggested that I wait til Elly's about 6 months old and take both pacifiers then. Or waiting til Elly's a year old, a good age to wean the pacifier I've heard. Otherwise I face weaning Evie from her pacifier just to have her steal them from the baby. In the meantime, I'm not encouraging a pacifier with Elly because I don't want to deal with any argument whatsoever from her. And I'm looking for creative ways to take away the pacifier that will be less traumatizing to Evie and might make the whole thing "easy" for us all. I read today about the "Pacifier Fairy" a wonderful entity who comes and takes all of a child's pacifiers and leaves a wonderful present for them. A precursor to the Tooth Fairy (whom we will be meeting far too soon I'm sure!). She sounds like a swell chick and I think I'm going to utilize her in the very near future. I just don't think I can handle seeing Evie with a pacifier for much longer.

I'm also trying not to beat myself up too much. Yes, I wish I had taken the pacifier away when Evie was younger and her memory wasn't so sharp and she didn't stand and yell "Momma" at me for 10 minutes straight and then throw herself in the floor kicking, screaming and crying. I wish we'd already gotten this out of the way, one way or the other. But either way, no permanent harm has been done. She'll be fine, if I take the pacifier away now or 6 months from now.

If anyone has any stellar pacifier weaning ideas, please let me know. Or if you have any suggestions on when to wean Evie, whether I should wait or go ahead, I welcome any input. At this point, I'm really on the fence about any and all details. That seems like the biggest hurdle right now...just deciding what to do.

Baby wearing...for the win?

I have addressed this issue before, but just in case you haven't picked up on it, Elly is a needy baby. Very needy. She is clingy and has a constant need to held and if you leave her alone in a room she freaks out. You can't go get laundry, or grab a drink or even go pee without listening to Elly cry and fuss. I think baby wearing might just be the solution to this dilemma.

I've always thought that baby wearing was kind of a new age hippie sort of thing. I mean before I actually learned anything about it. Before I did some research and read the blogs of some intelligent women who did baby wearing (and there are some weird cookies out there who do it.) I thought of it as one of those granola, hairy-arm-pit, unwashed sort of things. Of course, nowadays, organic is trendy (Remember back when people who ate organic had dreadlocks and wore a lot of hemp bracelets?) and of course hemp is getting to be trendy. Every one is into all-natural products, mineral make-up, locally grown produce, reusable shopping bags, etc. We've all gotten to be way more eco-conscious in the last year or two. So I guess hippie is in?

But I refuse to give up shaving my arm pits. I don't care if becomes trendy!

After researching I found that baby wearing is no more hippie and new age than breast feeding is. It's really more old school and natural that putting baby in a bouncer and letting them "tough it out."

I started looking into baby wearing while I was pregnant. With a high-maintenance high-energy toddler, I worried about how I'd manage tending two babies at once. Baby wearing seemed like a good solution. It's something that moms having been doing since our hunting and gathering days. The Native Americans carried their little papoose and the Chinese carried their babies in colorful slings. Josh kinda frowned on the idea of the sling and carrying the baby around all the time. Then I started thinking about how Evie just preferred to do her own thing and how it might be awkward to try and keep the baby with me all the time and I guess I talked myself out of it. I still thought it was a great idea and whereas I was afraid it wasn't for me, I still supported it.

I read a lot of the history of baby wearing. There are a lot of resources out there if you're interested. Here are some links:
*Baby Wearing 101
*Sling babies
*Wikipedia Baby Wearing


Since Elly came along I've had to make a lot of compromises on my parenting style. I guess that's a big part of parenting...compromises. Co-sleeping has never been something that I've wanted to do with a newborn, but it has been necessary as Elly now wakes up every morning at 5 a.m. to come sleep with me. Before I made that compromise no one was really sleeping. Well, my husband did some, and that just ticked me off. Now I'm a little aggravated that I have to get up every night but at least I'm managing about 7 hours of decent sleep.

Another compromise has been the schedule. I really support having babies on a schedule and Evie was the perfect infant for someone with my anal retentive tendencies. I like having predictability to my life and knowing when I'm going to be doing what. Elly despises schedules. She works hard every single day to keep us all on our toes. Other than the 8 a.m. bottle she has right when we get up and the 9 p.m. bottle every night before bed, I have no idea when or how much Elly will eat. No idea. Some days she wants to eat every 2 hours. Some days only every 4. Sometimes she will down 6 oz and ask for 2 or 3 more. Sometimes she'll take an hour to barely finish 3 oz. There's really no telling. Generally speaking she eats between 25-32 oz a day. But I have had to completely give up on getting her on a schedule for now. I'm hoping when she starts solids she will get on a 3 meals and 4 bottles schedule. Hoping...

She also doesn't usually nap in her crib like I would prefer. Or spend enough time out of that vibrating bouncer seat. Or get as much one-on-one time as I'd like. The list goes on...but you get the idea.

But one thing I really can't compromise on is that I have to put her down sometimes. I'm a mom of TWO and there are a lot of other things that I have to get done during the day. And I can't wait til after both babies are asleep because I need to sleep too. Plus I'm usually so exhausted by then I'm lucky to have the energy to wash my face and drag the covers over me. I have come to grips with the fact that I will not keep my house spotless or even tidy most of the time. I have accepted that I may not get a full night's uninterrupted rest for several years. If ever. I've moved on from thinking that I will get everything done, be it laundry, yard work, or even just photos uploaded. But with a toddler who needs food, drink, diapers changed, attention, etc. on a fairly regular basis I need to have my hands free so that I can at least take care of her. And maybe start the dishwasher or the washing machine. Ya know?

I've come to terms with a lot of changes since Elly's birth. Still I have to spend more time than I'd like listening to her cry because I cannot hold her all the time. I'm hoping that baby wearing helps resolve some of this. So last Friday I ordered a sling. My mom received a code from Seven Slings for a free sling, you just have to pay shipping and handling. So we each ordered one paying only $11.95 for it. She received hers yesterday and I received mine today. I went with Supernova because I thought the purple was pretty. I also went with a size 2 based on the site's size recommendations, though I wish I had gone with a 3 so I'd have more room.

Evie REALLY liked it. Of course I didn't get it for her, specifically but she wants to try everything. She also decided she did NOT want her Daddy taking her picture and made ugly faces. But I promise, she loved it. The site says the sling supports up to 35 lbs and Evie is about 25. I am not sure I would want a 35 lb kid in it but Evie was pretty comfortable to carry. I walked around the house for a few minutes with her.

It felt pretty comfortable hands free. I think this will be my favorite carry position, though the child has to be able to sit up unsupported to use this one. So Elly has at least a few months.

Please ignore my clothes and hair. I had just wet my hair and gotten ready for work when the mail arrived. I was so excited to try out the sling and I really didn't have time to change for a photo shoot. I didn't really think about how I looked. haha.

I put Elly in the front carry...or tried. She really liked it too. Once she got over the first few moments of "Holy crap what is going on?" where she grunted and squirmed and kept trying to throw her arms up and grab my face.

So I really like the sling. I think Elly is going to really like it and I hope it means a happier baby. There are supposed to be a LOT of benefits to baby wearing including a closer parent-child bond, improved language skills, decreased risk of a flat head and a healthier baby. We shall see!

I will definitely update you guys in a week or two on how it is going. Evie really supports the baby wearing. She carried her baby around for awhile in the sling.

So Evie's a baby wearer. I guess I am officially a baby wearer too...but I promise I'm still shaving my arm pits. And legs for that matter. Eesh.

Sissy is trying to talk!

So, you're going to think I'm completely insane...but I swear Elly is going to be talking way earlier than Evie even thought about. The other day I was jokingly trying to get her to say "mama" by just repeating it over and over, much to Evie's delight (she thought it was hilarious for some reason) when Elly just went "Maaaaa!" and giggled.

This morning, Josh was holding her and she was cooing and making happy faces. He asked her if she could see her Momma (I was sitting just a few feet away) and she said "Ooo-ma!" Oh my goodness. It was adorable! And she's only 2 months old! I can't wait to hear what she's she's saying in a couple more months. After Elly said that I told Evie that Sissy was going to be teaching her to talk in just a few months and Evie nodded. Hah! Kids are just too funny.

I really don't remember what she was making this face at.

Or this one. Elly has a lot of adorable faces. And like many babies...they don't really seem to relate to anything going on around them.

This is my favorite though...

This is how she sleeps...pretty much all the time.

So is it possible for a baby to be starting to try and talk this early? I only have my little late bloomer to compare to. And of course she didn't say her first words until like 8 or 9 months old. She's only just now starting to use two word phrases regularly. And those tend to involve personal pronouns..."My momma" or "My juice" or something along those lines. I think she was trying to tell Mushu he was a bad dog this morning which is certainly the most advanced sentence she's used that I've understood. "Moomoo, baa daa" was kind of what it sounded like. He was dragging her around the yard at Mimi's at the time and she was using her stern voice...so it fits. A lot of conversations with Evie involve a lot of guessing and assuming she's trying to say what you think she is. I know of people with children younger than Evie who form complete sentences. Complete sentences that you can understand. Heck! They are able to have conversations with their kids than even a stranger can understand. Even though I can have pretty simple conversations with Evie, I'm certain that a stranger couldn't.

I'm hoping that Elly's early desire to communicate means that she'll start talking early. I hope that her being a little tongue-tied doesn't affect it any. But I guess that's a bridge we'll cross when we get there.

In the mean time, Josh tells me he thinks that Elly will be even more attached to me than Evie is. Though he doesn't really have an explanation for why. She's continuing to sleep better and better at night. Sleeping til 5 or 6 in her crib then til 8 in our bed with no nighttime feedings. Just a couple more months and she'll be starting cereal and veggies and fruits and hopefully we'll all be sleeping a hundred times better.

I don't mind waking up to this precious face every day though...

Going to be bad if I'm the one with separation anxiety and crying myself to sleep when we put her back in her crib for good.

Ahhh...

So, warm weather is officially here in the south east.

Over the weekend I took both girls outside. And it was delicious! Elly loved it.

"This is the life...

Kicking back in my shades...rocking my sunhat. Just chillin. Got my peacock toy to wrestle with and attempt to get to my mouth...

"Uh...Momma...did you remember the sunscreen?"

Crap.

Is it fair to add to the family tree?

At the beginning of my pregnancy I worried that there was something wrong with me because I just didn't feel the same about this baby as I did my first. When I found out I was pregnant with Evie I was immediately attached and overjoyed. I was infatuated with her from the moment I first saw the plus sign on the pee stick while she was just a cluster of cells without even so much as a heartbeat to distinguish her.

Weeks later seeing her on the ultrasound monitor, watching that teeny tiny heart pump away, I cried. I was overwhelmed with excitement and love for this little person, which now had a heartbeat, but still looked more like a sea monkey than a person with its flippers and tail. When she was born she looked almost exactly as I had pictured, except she was a blonde and I had imagined her brunette.

With Elly, I didn't get that immediate love. I was excited to be having a second child. I was also afraid, apprehensive, worried, overwhelmed...well, you get the idea. When I found out I was pregnant I had a nine month old in the next room. Not only was I worried about how I would manage two babies at once. I was worried about how this would effect Evie. She had only been with us for nine months. And now, even though her sibling wasn't due until February, already our time and affections would be split between her, my sweet baby girl, and this unknown little person. I would have to start going to doctor's appointments and soon I would start showing and wouldn't be able to do as much with Evie as I wanted. We would need to plan a nursery for the new baby and start preparing our home for a second child. So even though we had some time before she had to really start sharing her home with a new baby, her life was being affected early on by the pregnancy.

I felt so torn about adding a new baby to our home while my baby was still...well, a baby. It just seemed so unfair to Evie. And those are feelings I've dealt with a lot of the last 36 weeks. As I've gotten bigger and bigger I am less and less able to do things with Evie that I'd like to do. I certainly can't chase her up and down the halls like I did seven months ago. Getting up and down from the floor takes a lot longer than it should and sometimes I'm super snappy because I'm tired and hormonal.

Of course, I am excited about having a second child now. But sometimes at night I still lie awake and wonder how this is all going to affect Evie. Whether or not this is the right thing for her or fair to her. I worry about how upset she's going to be when we bring a new baby home from the hospital. If it will hurt her feelings that I will be changing someone else's diapers, teaching someone else how to eat and sleep and sit up and crawl, taking care of another baby. No longer would she and I have so much Mommy and Evie time because now there would also be little sister with us. And although I talk to her about it, I know that she's just a baby and simply cannot truly understand how much her life is getting ready to change.

Let me repeat, in case it's not coming through, that I am really very excited to have a second baby. Especially a girl because I think having two girls so close together is going to be so great when they get older.

But still I worry about how fair it will be Evie when her little sister is born next week. And I wonder what her reaction to this whole thing will be. I hope and pray that she does well with it and I remind myself over and over that she's so young that she will not even remember this tumultuous transition. She won't remember a life without her sister and hopefully that will lead to an inseparable bond and a friendship that she cherishes throughout her life. I envision two curly-headed little girls, about the same size since they will be so close in age, having tea parties in their bedroom and building forts in the living room. I see them staying up late to finish a chapter in some childhood classic, camping out on the top bunk with a flashlight and huddling under a shared blanket. I know they will fight like cats and dogs but they'll also curl up on the couch together and fall asleep watching a movie. At least I hope that they snuggle, and bond and just absolutely love each other. If not it might be a long 18 years til they're out of the house. I look at pictures of my friend's two little boys, one is 22 months old and the other is 4 months old, and see how much the older adores his little brother and I'm hopeful that my girls will be the same.

As I snuggle Evie at night these last few nights where it's just us, I try to memorize what it is like with just the two of us. I know we'll have alone time again but it'll be harder to come by. And it will be different then. But I'm really glad that we have a set period of time (hopefully) that I can sit back and really savor my last few days of pregnancy and Evie time.

So on Monday our lives will all change. The countdown has begun and for better or worse our lil family of three will become a family of four. For better I believe. Our "normal" will be long gone but a new normal will be established. We'll find a new rhythm and everyone will find a new niche and life will go on. One day, we'll all get to sleep through the night again. And although our lives will be different, I think that our little addition will make us all better and happier and our family will be complete.