Life goes on

No matter how old I get it is still a rude reminder that life isn't fair.

And no matter how many candles are on my next birthday cake, it is still hard to resist that inner toddler that wants to throw a fit and be upset.

But as adults we are of course expected to grin and bear it. Take a deep breath and move it. Put on your big girl panties, so to speak, and just hang in there like a hair in a biscuit. Was that a yummy mental picture or what?

When a friend lets you down. When someone stands you up. When you get passed over for an award. Or maybe your spouse forgets your birthday. Or your dog throws up in your favorite sneakers. Your neighbors park blocking your drive, again. And the cat from across the street has brought you yet another dead bird and left it on your porch. Then of course your kid brings home an F and your preschooler has completely forgotten that she's potty trained.

Life likes to throw us lemons. And it's hard to think of those lemons as learning moments. But that is what they are. Learning moments.

I keep telling myself over and over. When I feel like I'm going to explode, start tearing my hair out and scream like a banshee...this is a learning moment. This. Is. A. Learning. Moment. *deep breath* This. Is. A. Learning. Moment.

The terrible two's are...well...terrible. Being a parent is hard. And working around my husband's difficult (at best) schedule is a challenge in itself. Working full-time adds a whole different sort of monkey to the barrel. Compound that with mildly OCD tendencies towards house work and an inability to cut myself a break on ANYTHING and...well...this barrel is chocked full of uncooperative monkeys believe me. And sometimes it just feels like there is no end to the let downs. The disappointments. The "wish I had"'s and "I can't believe they did"'s. Sometimes the bitter taste of the way things SHOULD be, yet aren't, is so strong it just chokes. And crying about it stopped helping decades ago.

Life is full of disappointments. Whenever God closes a door, he opens a window. I just need to keep my eyes open. I try to remember to be hopeful. And remember that everything happens for a reason.

Like that Anna Nalick song from back when..."Well, you can't jump the track we're like cars on the cable, and Life's like an hour glass, glued to the table. No one can find the rewind button, boys. Say it if you understand. And breathe. Just breathe. Oh, breathe. Just breathe."

It's true. Sometimes breathing is all you can do.

I am going to try to eliminate some of the seriously unnecessary drama from my life. So, drama-inducing people, consider yourselves warned! People who do more harm than good gotta go as well. That includes those who are two-faced or barely there.

I am going to try to remember that my challenges are opportunities for growth and a chance for me to become a better person. It is only through adversity that we realize our greater potential and are able to evolve. And whether that challenge is heartbreak, disappointment, failure or difficult times, life manages to go on and we must all muddle through some how.

I mean what's the alternative, really?

So, here's to chins up and eyes clear. And let's toast one for tomorrows, best wishes and fond adieus.

Sorry, random song lyrics.

But I have always LOVED Seether. Their new song Tonight is totally my kinda love song. Nothing against Taylor Swift's kind of love songs...but I'm more into the 'sugar and cyanide' variety.

"If I was to die tonight, would it tear you apart?
Would you yell it from the rooftops down?
Until it's over, and you're older?
I feel so alive tonight. You got me feeling sublime.
I want to yell it from the rooftops down.
Until it's over, and we're older."

Just love it.

Sorry. Random. And totally out of the Christmas spirit, I know. But I just wanted to share. YouTube that bad boy.

:-)

Night guys.

In Another Life...

So, do you think there is one single person out there for each of us?

No really. Think about it.

Katie Perry's recent hit, "In Another Life" made me really think about it the other night on the way home. And I just wondered if anyone really believed in fate and destiny any more? In this day and age it just seems difficult to believe.

Like any little girl I grew up wanting to believe in fairy tales and Prince Charming. Then of course I grew up a bit and entered the dating world and quickly came to realize that the only way I would meet Prince Charming was at Disney World.

But if you do believe there is one person out there for each of us, how does it work? What a lot of stress and pressure looking for that one, single, solitary person. I just don't believe it. I don't know, for me it's just too much to try to buy into.

Not that I don't think that there are people each of us can be happy with.

And I totally believe that marriage can be forever. I think it is incredibly difficult, but possible. Just because of how much people change over the years. I think back to guys I dated 10 years ago, who I of course thought I was going to be with FOREVER (note the eye roll), and I think how preposterous it was. How much different I am now. How completely naive and unrealistic such expectations were for a 16 year old.

One of the things that makes it the hardest for me to buy into the whole destiny, one person for each of us, is my mom. She is quite happily married now. To a really great guy who I hope she's going to be happy with for a long time. And I think that this is probably who she's supposed to be with. But I don't think she could have been with him 30 years ago. And if she had of some how managed to meet him 30 years ago (when their age difference would have made a difference since he's a few years her junior and they lived in completely different states) then my brother and I wouldn't be here. Or we certainly would look different. My step dad has blonde hair and blue eyes and I got my dark hair and eyes from my biological dad. I may have complained about my non-generic look a decade ago, but these days I love it.

I find it hard to believe that my mom shouldn't have been with my dad. Ya know, since that would sorta void me out. But I also don't believe she should have stayed with him and worked out their issues. Although he had a promising outlook when they got married, some how or other he lost all his motivation and has STILL not made anything of himself. He STILL doesn't have anything to show for his half a century of living. Other than two kids who he never sees or talks to. And two granddaughters, one of which he's never even met. But I don't really feel like he can take much credit for any of us.

I believe that for each of us, there are several someones out there that we can be happy with. Each of us walks a path from day one to day 32,850. We make choices, left or right. The blue shirt or the red shirt. Four year university or local college. Super size my value meal? Take the stairs? Go for the bigger tv? That's what living is all about. So how can you think that with the billions of choices you make every day that the path is some how preplanned and ordained and you're going to meet Mr. Right at some point and end up married happily ever after?

Too many people get divorced for the RIGHT reasons and too many people get married for the WRONG reasons for me to swallow such a logic. It doesn't mean I don't believe it God (I do) or that I'm not a Christian (I am) or that I don't think my husband and I will be together for 30 years (I will be 51! Wow!). I am quite happy.

So, all of this train of thought from a Katie Perry song. Go figure. Driving home from Boone in the dark listening to the radio can apparently bring to mind all sorts of weird things.

Why I loved Breaking Dawn

I was a late comer to the Twilight craziness. Not as late as some people. I did catch on before the first movie came out. But only after I made fun of other people for being so excited about some dumb vampire movie. Don't get me wrong. I don't have anything against vampires. Especially not when they're played by really hot British actors. But from what I had heard about the Twilight books they were just mushy teenage love drama. Nothing really worth reading.


Sometime before the first movie came out, but after it had a release date, my mom told me that the books were actually pretty good. Somehow or other she convinced me to give them a try. And I was hooked. Granted a lot of the book is mushy teenage drama. But it's well written. And hey, I'm not so old that I don't appreciate a cute love story.

I ended up buying all four books because I couldn't wait for the library to get them all in. I went to see Twilight in theaters and was thrilled.

I love the books. I have read them all several times and of course own all the movies that are already released. The movies are great adaptations from the books.

So why am I a Twilight fan?

Well, the story is cute and compelling. No really! The main character is a teenager who doesn't really fit in and doesn't really belong anywhere. I think all teenagers face that quandary at some point. It is after all the teenage struggle. Who am I and where do I belong? It's what you spend those tumultuous years between 15 and 18 figuring out. And in the midst of the sexy vampires and drool-worthy werewolves...that's what Twilight is really about. Bella figuring out who she is and where she belongs.

There is also a really precious love story. It's completely beyond belief of course. But it's nice to lose yourself in the fiction and laugh and cry with the characters.


And although I love all four books and all the movies (so far), Breaking Dawn is definitely my favorite. In Breaking Dawn, Bella and Edward get married. And Bella has a baby. She grows up and goes through a lot of grown up things all at once.

As a mother, I loved watching Bella evolve as she finds out that she's pregnant and fights against all of her family and even her beloved Edward to have her baby. I know how it feels to have your priorities just CHANGE. From seeing a plus sign on a stick to holding that baby for the very first time. As a mom, you do a lot of emotional growing up while your belly does all that growing out. Feeling that little person move and kick. Hearing their heart beat. Knowing even before they have taken a single breath that you would give your life in an instant for them. It's a tumultuous period for a woman.

I felt like the directors and producers did a great job transitioning the written word onto the screen. When a story is told first-person like the Twilight Saga, it is a challenge to make some of the most powerful sections of the book into something visual for the screen. Especially without devolving into a lot of monologue. It also takes some pretty decent acting. Breaking Dawn was just really well done!

The wedding was gorgeous. Renesmee looked exactly how I wanted her to look. The honeymoon was adorable. The pregnancy was horrific and touching. I simply loved it!

And now of course, we have to wait a whole YEAR for the next one. Grr...

A Brief Ramble

I don't really know what I want to write about today. Is it okay if I just sit here and ramble for a bit?

Well, I don't guess I will know what you said. If you don't want to listen to me ramble then please. stop reading. Otherwise, that's probably all you're going to get!

So I am totally spazzing out about everything that I need to get done in the next 48 hours. And to make it all the better, I will spend 16 hours of that working. And I'd like to spend at least 16 of it sleeping (though who am I kidding really?) so when you take 32 hours out of that 48...and factor in the time that I will be spending feeding, bathing, clothing and generally caring for my little people...yeah...not a lot of hours left there.

I've got to go to the grocery store and get something for the spaghetti lunch we're cooking at work. Plus some eggs. I need to make deviled eggs. Bake 2 pumpkin pies. Finish thawing my turkey and de-giblet it. Super clean my house. Oh. Em. Gee. I guess I can just cross sleeping off the list of "to do" and maybe I need to add a bottle of wine to the grocery list. Cause I might just need it!

To make being stressed so much more enjoyable, when I get stressed I am pretty much incapable of eating. My stomach totally rejects food. Even the idea of eating makes me feel like I could be sick. So I'm sitting here feeling my blood sugar plummet. Wishing I could come up with something that sounded edible. While simultaneously feeling like I never want to eat again. And thinking about pulling the icky bits out of a clammy 20 lb turkey tomorrow. Gag.

Yeah. Not good.

And although I got the girls' Christmas pics done this morning I don't feel good about THAT. The photographer did a great job but the girls just wouldn't smile at the same time. And their attention spans are pretty limited. So there is a small window of time that you can spend trying to get them to smile for the camera before you lose their focus and they're having a total meltdown.

So I'm anxious to see if any of them turned out decent. Anxious about what to do if they didn't. Aggravated that it didn't go as well as I had hoped. Frustrated by my ridiculously high standards that seem to leave me increasingly disappointed. And bummed by the fact that the only person I have to rant to...is my blog. Hah!

Well, I've rambled until I've thought of something I can eat. And I've thought of a blog idea! Yay for me.